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You are here: Home / Archives for xbox

My List Of Demands From The Next-Gen Consoles

July 2, 2013 by Vanir

There are several stages to my gadget-lust when anything new comes out, and console launches are no exception. We have already passed Indifference and Disdain, progressed into Intrigue, and we are now crossing the border into Self-Entitled Rabidity. With this in mind, please accept these frothy demands for the next generation of consoles: Second Screen […]

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Video Games Tagged With: kinect, motion controls, ps4, second screen gaming, wii u, xbox, xbox one

Cloud Is Just Loud With a C

June 25, 2013 by Vanir

A couple weeks ago, I wrote of the next iteration of the Great Console War. A few things have happened since then. Everyone hated Microsoft with the fury of a thousand suns for all the DRM and required Internet check-ins and Sony said “we’ll maintain the status quo!” to standing ovations. Then Microsoft said “okay […]

Filed Under: Columns, Dire Flailings, Editorial, Featured, Newest Critical Hits, Video Games Tagged With: boardwatch, cloud, computers, console wars, internets, ps4, xbox, xbox one

I Have A Reaction To Console Gaming

June 11, 2013 by Vanir

When I was 4, I got an ear infection or strep throat or some other relatively minor infection, and my parents gave me some sort of Sulfa-based antibiotic. That was a really bad idea, because it turns out I am crazy allergic to that, and I basically turned into a tiny red Frankenstein with crazy […]

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Newest Critical Hits, Video Games Tagged With: an orangutan's butt, c= 64 rules them all, colecovision, gamecube, intellivision, nes, nintendo, ps3, ps4, sega genesis, sega master system, snes. n64, super nintendo, wii, wii u, xbone, xbox, xbox one

Burlap Sex Alone Does Not A Relationship Make

October 5, 2010 by Vanir

Listen, BioWare. You know you’re the only development studio for me. It was never that your games were the prettiest. They’re nice, but you never made me save vs. pants-change like, say, God Of War 3. It was never that your gameplay is the smoothest or most innovative. Don’t get me wrong, Mass Effect 2 was a nice step up from its predecessor, with its powers and equipment systems all nicely overhauled and refined and that superfun mining minigame. That’s not why every BioWare game is a day one purchase for me. But you’re screwing up the main reason you’re awesome. Quit it.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre, Video Games Tagged With: age, angry, baby, bioware, dlc, dragon, dragon age, morrigan, nickel and dime, pregnancy, pregnant, ps3, ripoff, value, wtf, xbox

Cleanings of Spring Dawning

May 4, 2010 by Vanir

This past week, my wife and I have been going through the house getting rid of old stuff. She enjoys freeing up space and seeing the house clean. I enjoy looking at my old stuff, reliving all the good times we had together, and almost weeping when I throw any of it away. And that’s not even talking about my boxes of AD&D 1E books from high school. SAVE VS PETRIFICATION.

Filed Under: Board, Card, and Miniature Games, Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games, Video Games Tagged With: ad&d 1e, atari 2600, cleaning, colecovision, dmg, dreamcast, n64, nintendo entertainment system, phb, playstation, ps2, ps3, sega genesis, sega master system, super nintendo, xbox, xbox 360

About the Author

  • Vanir

    Vanir is the sort of man who has openly wondered aloud about his own armor class in front of his own grandmother. Despite this, he has still managed to somehow become both married and a father. By day, he develops web applications. By night, web applications develop him.

    Email: vanir@critical-hits.comWeb: https://critical-hits.com//category/dire-flailings/

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