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You are here: Home / Archives for Newest Critical Hits / Columns / The Architect DM

Mighty Adventures of Text

June 6, 2007 by Bartoneus

This started quite simply with the question, “What would Candyland look like as a text adventure?”  Clearly it went a bit further than that, but as a game we’ve previously discussed as having no decisions what-so-ever and therefore not being a game, the concept is tantilizing.  Is there a sole decision in Candyland, and is […]

Filed Under: Board, Card, and Miniature Games, The Architect DM

This is (Not) a Tribute

April 18, 2007 by Bartoneus

At the behest of one Scott Kurtz we have created this week’s comic, yes that’s right I say we because Dave had as much a helping hand in this one as I did.  Hazzah collaboration!  We have taken a slight alteration to it, of course, and featured my beautiful new kitteh as well.  The praying cat […]

Filed Under: The Architect DM, Web Meme

They Call Me Monsieur Blob

April 4, 2007 by Bartoneus

While making fun of Dave has become status quo for me, laying on thick while he’s out of town is not exactly beneath me.  The original plan was to have a whole new banner at the top of the page for the whole week, but he has complete control of that.  Since I’m not the […]

Filed Under: The Architect DM

Nostradamus Called It

March 21, 2007 by Bartoneus

A quickie for this week, which disheartens me because of the last two weeks missed, bringing my tally for the year to -3 comics from the goal. I keep not illusions of necessarily ending the year in the positive, simply an improvement over last year will suit me well enough, but I wouldn’t have set […]

Filed Under: The Architect DM, Video Games

FFXII : When Elementals Attack

February 28, 2007 by Bartoneus

The most delightful thing about Final Fantasy XII is that, when it rains, there are these big ball of energy elementals who wander around various areas of the game.  Their primary purpose is to look at first glance like an average level friendly mob, but upon hearing one of your characters have a wet-dream about […]

Filed Under: The Architect DM

My Ears are Bleeding (literally)

February 21, 2007 by Bartoneus

Back at the dawn of February there was some discussion of comicbook movie adaptations, and not surprisingly he-who-should-not-be-named was…well, named.  The dark one, the spawn of satanic movie-making, Joel Schumacher.  I will refrain from repeating his name any further, as on the third time I’ve heard he springs forth from your VCR and suffocates you […]

Filed Under: Movies, The Architect DM

This is How Wii Roll

February 7, 2007 by Bartoneus

I will take the beginning opportunity to explain to the un-educated exactly what a “boyfriend bomb” is.  If you’ve already figured it out, then consider this an online IQ test and you’ve just scored above einstein but just below those cavemen on those Geico commercials.  They’re stylin’ dudes…   Boyfriend Bomb (v) – 1.) The act of […]

Filed Under: The Architect DM

God's Instant Idiot Machine

January 31, 2007 by Bartoneus

This week’s Random Encounter comes to you solely because it snowed a half an inch in about 1 hour’s time this afternoon in Maryland.  Trapped in such weather, be sure to arm yourself with delicious meats, so as to fling them at other survivors in hopes that the Ninjar…Polinja…Polar Bearinjas forsake you for a more protein […]

Filed Under: The Architect DM

Spoils to the Traveler

January 24, 2007 by Bartoneus

I speak to you now on a laptop, in front of a dormant desktop monitor, that is currently piggybacking off of a generous (read: ignorant) neighbor’s wireless. There is a mug of milk laden with oreo residue to my left, and a distraught/disorganized mid-unpacking catastrophe desk beneath it all. Our internet evolves sometime at the […]

Filed Under: The Architect DM

The Flagellation of the Artist

January 17, 2007 by Bartoneus

Really the end of a series here, recounting my New Years Resolutions, there was actually a discussion with Abekkus (Abe for short, though that’s not his name…) about precisely how self-referential this should get.  I decided to keep it on the mild side and go with a tastey quote for your taste buds.  Bonus points to […]

Filed Under: The Architect DM

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About the Author

  • Bartoneus

    Danny works professionally as an architectural designer and serves as managing editor here at CH, which means he shares many of the duties of being an editor but without the fame and recognition. He also writes about RPGs, videogames, movies, and TV. He is married to Sucilaria, and has a personal blog at Incorrect Blitz Input. (Email Danny or follow him on Twitter).

    Email: bartoneus@critical-hits.comWeb: https://critical-hits.com//author/Bartoneus/

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