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You are here: Home / Archives for Newest Critical Hits / Columns / Dire Flailings

Recompiling Digital D&D

January 17, 2012 by Vanir

A common complaint with 4th Edition has been the online tools that go with it. Now that we have a Next Edition coming, WotC gets another shot at getting their cyberducks in a row. The best part is, this time out they’re asking all of us what we want from D&D. Guess what? I want better online tools! Furthermore, I have a few suggestions. WARNING: Some programmer jargon ahead. Proceed with digital caution.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: .net, asp, character builder, D&D, D&D Insider, D&DI, dndnext, Dungeons and Dragons, json, online tools, perl, php, python, virtual tabletop, wotc, xml

It Slices, It Dices, It Possibly Does The THAC0

January 10, 2012 by Vanir

I’m sure by now you’ve heard the news. Beyoncé Knowles has given birth to a new edition of Dungeons and Dragons, and the Internets are ablaze. The epic ears of the Wizards of the Coast are now listening to user feedback more than ever before, and in their direction everyone’s hopes and dreams for their favorite game have been launched. The system is rumored to be many things, two of the most common of these being “just another money grab” and “modular”. As my experiences with the R&D team over the past couple years have not included any signs of them being were-packrats who hunt shinies when the moon is full, I can only speculate about the game’s modularity. As it happens, that is the thing that gives me the most hope and the most worry about the upcoming changes to D&D.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: 5e, 5th edition, antisocial people, chaos, D&D, dnd, dnd3.5e, dnd3e, dnd4e, dnd5e, dndnext, Dungeons and Dragons, edition wars, editions, manifesto, minmaxers and roleplayers living together, monte cook

Everybody Kill Each Other

January 3, 2012 by Vanir

In which an evil Jedi with doilies over her eyes blows an engineer out an airlock, driving Vanir to consider the most fun way to kill his teammates. (Current contender: playing Dominion, but all the treasure cards are poisoned.)

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: alignment, alignment sucks, chloroform, Death, evil, good, grey area, interpersonal conflict, intraparty conflict, lawful stupid, morality, morals, murder, neutral, pvp, stabbing, swords, violence

Vanir’s New Year’s Gaming Resolutions (2012 Edition)

December 28, 2011 by Vanir

It’s that special time of year again. You know, the one where you run out of times of the year. This year was a significant improvement for me in a lot of ways. I got laid off from a horrible job, and almost immediately got a really good job. I got a gaming group together. I’ve had a lot of new, awesome experiences this year, and my gaming life is much improved. That being said, here’s my plan for the coming year.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Featured, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: DM, dresden files, fiasco, gaming, microscope, new year, pathfinder, resolution

The Island Of Misfit Christmas Article Ideas

December 20, 2011 by Vanir

It was my intention to write a funny Christmas article this week. It didn’t turn out so well. Come on anyway, you’re already here. Ho ho ho and all that.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Featured, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: atari, christmas, hanukkah, happiness, kwanzaa, log, mind flayers, presents, santa, yuletide

The Grass Is Always Greener Where The Drama Llama Grazes

December 13, 2011 by Vanir

This week, I’m going to try to write the column I thought I was writing last week about roleplaying better characters. Today’s topic, in particular, is how to avoid playing one-dimensional characters and how to breathe a little life into your PCs using simple tools you can find in your own home. Unless, of course, I realize I’m talking about something else.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Featured, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: actor, bat-orc, batman, conflict, drama, drama llama, man vs bread, man vs chimpanzee, man vs cockatoo, man vs man, man vs nature, man vs society, man vs woman, orcphan, pc, player character, roleplay, roleplaying tips, writer

Am I A Good Roleplayer?

December 6, 2011 by Vanir

A couple of weeks ago, one of my players sends me an IM. This person started the conversation off a little sheepish and evasive, but eventually we got to it: “Am I a good roleplayer?” You have to understand, this player has provided for me some of my favorite moments of our campaign, and I’ve seen them hold together an otherwise disastrous game of Fiasco. My answer was something to the effect of “HAHALOL” or “U SO CRAZY”, and I meant every capitalized letter. I asked why they were pondering such a question, and part of it was just good old fashioned social insecurity (which I have plenty of experience having!). Some of it was from not having played D&D at a table having to consider the opinions of other people. I assured my player that they were, in fact, a good roleplayer. Of course, such an assurance begs the question of whether or not I actually know what I am talking about. Let’s find out, shall we?

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: chaotic stupid, good player, lawful stupid, mean people suck, phb cranial trauma, player, player tips, roleplaying, spotlight hog

Epic-Tier Anything Sucks

November 29, 2011 by Vanir

There’s been a lot of talk around here lately about epic tier games in 4e (and how it isn’t very much fun, and how we’d all rather have our ever-regenerating livers torn out each morning by eagles than play characters over level 20). I haven’t had any experience with epic tier play in 4e yet, but from the sound of it I cannot wait. I have, however, dabbled in the cosmos-shaking power of epic level characters in previous editions. It sucked too. Let me tell you about it.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: aphrodite, beavis, cronos, fire, jupiter, kronos, liver, mythology, o noes icarus, prometheus, venus, zeus

Meat, Food, Snacks, Mjölnir

November 22, 2011 by Vanir

Last week, my preschooler son Sam came home with his very first homework assignment. The task was simple and seasonally festive: he was to sit down with me and his mom and talk about the things he was thankful for in his life, then we’d all make a poster together that involved those things. Having a child of mine respond with “meat”, “food”, and “snacks” was not a real surprise — but this nerd-papa nearly burst at the seams with pride when he said he was thankful for “thunder” and “Mjölnir”. At the end, he summarized everything by saying, “my life is cool city”. I couldn’t disagree. It also made me take stock in what I’m thankful for. I don’t have a preschool class to turn my homework in, so I guess you guys will have to do.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings Tagged With: blogosphere, dave the game, dave the refrigerator perry, family, football, giving, giving thanks, grateful, l-tryptophan, thanks, thanksgiving, turkeys

If The Dungeon Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy

November 15, 2011 by Vanir

I’ll admit it: I’d been dreading running last week’s D&D game. It had been over a month since we played, and my trepidation was as much laziness as it was not wanting to dungeon crawl. I’d imagine it was much more my fault than the dungeon module we were running, but I’d somehow managed to suck all the fun out of the game for me. That’s the last thing you want running through the DM’s mind in any group — sooner or later things start to suck for everybody else. A few months later, the group breaks up and one of your roleplayers goes to prison for stabbing a minmaxer. I knew I had to do something. But what?

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: bob vila, change, communication, DIY, DM, dm tips, fishmen, group, martyrdom, mass extinction via fireball, maws, orcs, selfishness

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About the Author

  • Vanir

    Vanir is the sort of man who has openly wondered aloud about his own armor class in front of his own grandmother. Despite this, he has still managed to somehow become both married and a father. By day, he develops web applications. By night, web applications develop him.

    Email: vanir@critical-hits.comWeb: https://critical-hits.com//category/dire-flailings/

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