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You are here: Home / Archives for Newest Critical Hits / Columns / Dire Flailings

How Economics Ruined My Gaming Joie De Médiocre

March 27, 2012 by Vanir

A few weeks ago, I had an odd conversation with one of the guys from my gaming group. We were discussing Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning, and he was talking about how much he loved it, and I was discussing how much I hated it. At one point, he pauses for a moment, and asks something to the effect of “Matt, what’s the last game you actually really liked?”

I had to think about it a minute. Which was bad, because it sort of proved his point.

Filed Under: Board, Card, and Miniature Games, Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games, Video Games Tagged With: bioware, fat jedi rule, free time, impatient, no sleep, Parenting, sleepless, star wars the old republic, swtor, time, time management, world of warcraft, WoW

Defeat Your Invincible Enemy Using This One Weird Old Trick

March 20, 2012 by Vanir

In both fantasy and science fiction, it’s a fairly common theme to pit unlikely heroes against impossible odds. In very few circumstances do we said unlikely hero train and practice for years to become strong enough to beat his enemy — in many cases, the fan has been thoroughly defecated upon and the problem needs to get solved as soon as possible. That means something really unusual needs to happen in order for the good guys to win. Are you brave enough to wield the double-edged sword to give your players this option? Will you cut your own kneecaps off? Will they beat you to death with their PHBs? Or will you achieve Total Victory?

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Featured, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: character development, deux ex machina, fiction, macguffin, plot, plot development, roleplay, Tropes, Writing

The Swag of Yore

March 13, 2012 by Vanir

When I was a kid, we could watch a D&D cartoon and buy AD&D toys at most toy stores. Now, our selection of D&D items appears to be mostly limited to games. t-shirts, and leather goods. Read for musings about how things have changed for D&D merch over the last 30 years, and childish hopes for the future. My heart and wallet ache.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Featured, Humor, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre Tagged With: books, D&D, Dungeons and Dragons, endless quest, fire elemental, games, odious ogre, pvc figure, shambling mound, toys

O The Tangled Webs We Weep, When Breathe We Don’t When Go To Sleep

March 6, 2012 by Vanir

Ever since I was a wee lad, I’ve always had really vivid dreams. On occasion, this translates into really vivid nightmares, which sucks mightily. Usually, though, it just means I’m going to have a good story to tell come the dawn. Well, that is, until I found out I had sleep apnea. Turns out, one of the side effects of stopping to take a break during sleep to not breathe every few minutes is that you never really leave REM sleep — causing incredibly vivid dreams. Getting a machine to help with that provides me with a lot more energy during the day, but I only get a tiny fraction of the WTF I used to reap each night. This week, however, my sinuses have decided to clog up everything, making it really hard for my machine to blow air down my throat to keep me breathing normally. And that meant it was SHOWTIME.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre Tagged With: aliens, apnea, conventions, cortex, cpap, dreams, illinois central college, kmart, leverage, marvel, orange chairs, pregnant, sweaters, tractors, warm mood lighting

It’s OK To Talk To Yourself, As Long As Someone Answers

February 28, 2012 by Vanir

I’ve been playing a lot of Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning lately. I’m convinced the entire game is nothing but a plot by R.A. Salvatore to convince the world that faeries aren’t actually lame after all. The jury is still out. At the very least, the Summer Fae in the game give me a headache with their stubbornness, their cryptic words and their being “stuck in time in a condescending way”. To be honest, they remind me of a lot of certain people that used to call in when I was still doing Internet tech support. That being said, I find myself trying to put myself in their shoes. Maybe it’s because I find people less annoying when I empathize with them. Everyone has their own unique point of view. Even if it’s annoying.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: brainstorming, druid, dwarf, elf, how, imagination, lassie, questions, riddler, what, when, where, who, why

10 Epic-Level Problems Nobody Thinks About

February 22, 2012 by Vanir

Everybody thinks being powerful enough to slap-fight the gods themselves would be completely awesome. There’s a reason epic-level D&D breaks down. Actually, there are ten. And NONE OF YOU have thought of ANY of them. Unless you’re future epic-level me. In which case, you probably have.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre Tagged With: bunny, epic, epic tier, family reunion, fluffy, gods, hippogriff, kingdom come, kitty, mythology, puppy, republicans

The Statistical Truth* About Gender And Racial Stat Modifiers

February 14, 2012 by Vanir

Racial and Gender stat modifiers have been a part of many editions of D&D over the years. However, the evidence* clearly shows how inaccurate* these rules are*. Read on to discover the shocking truth* behind everything you’ve ever known*.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: dwarf, gender, half-elf, half-orc, Human, race, stat modifiers

Keep Calm And WIS Check (DC 22)

February 9, 2012 by Vanir

Remember a couple weeks ago when nobody knew anything at all about the new D&D? Then came DDXP, and a couple things happened. One, a playtest that lots of people took part in and nobody can talk about due to NDAs. Two, a series of seminars that were very light on details and heavy on […]

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: 5e, angry people, Blogger, D&D next, D&DXP, dnd next, edition wars, flame war, Grognard, nda, playtest, secrecy

Dwarven SEAL Team Neutralizes Terrorist DM Threat: Film At 11

January 31, 2012 by Vanir

This year at DDXP, I got to try out running games for complete strangers. Little did I know what I had actually signed on for. Find out how six dwarves can make a grown man weep using only some ingenuity and a sackful of d12s.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: adventuring company, battle interactive, cthulhu, D&DXP, dagon, ddxp 2012, DDXP2012, dndnext, Dwarves, lfr, living forgotten realms, minmax, ring of sympathy

Pelor’s Peg-Leg Protection Protocol

January 24, 2012 by Vanir

I understand WotC’s apprehension about distributing digital copies of their stuff, and making it easy for people to pirate their products. Let’s face it, though: all the DRM in the world isn’t going to stop it. Not offering legitimate digital copies of their books definitely isn’t going to stop it (right now there’s only one way to get a digital version of a D&D book, and it ain’t legal). So what IS going to stop the piracy of WotC’s intellectual property?

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: amazon, barnes and nobles, bittorrent, digital, ebook, epub, ibooks, iPad, kindle, nook, PDF, piracy, wotc

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About the Author

  • Vanir

    Vanir is the sort of man who has openly wondered aloud about his own armor class in front of his own grandmother. Despite this, he has still managed to somehow become both married and a father. By day, he develops web applications. By night, web applications develop him.

    Email: vanir@critical-hits.comWeb: https://critical-hits.com//category/dire-flailings/

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