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You are here: Home / Archives for Newest Critical Hits / Columns / Dire Flailings

Why KmartGamer Needs To Send Me to E3: A Love Story

March 30, 2011 by Vanir

In which Vanir pleads his case to KmartGamer to send him to E3 this year. Please send them emails telling them how great of an idea this is. Better yet, bake them cookies. What kind of cookies do you like, KMartGamer? I have people ready to bake here.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Video Games Tagged With: begging, cheapassgamer, E3, kmart, kmartgamer, pleading

Week 4: I Have Lost Six Dungeon Pounds

March 29, 2011 by Vanir

This week will be my D&D group’s fourth session. I’m starting to get the lay of the land a little better. I’ve learned that a plot won’t burst into flames if not kept on the rails the entire session. I’ve also learned that tacking it down in a couple of spots sure won’t hurt, and […]

Filed Under: Board, Card, and Miniature Games, Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre

The Eighth Wheel

March 22, 2011 by Vanir

It’s funny how things never develop how you expected. When I decided to start running a D&D game after going to DDXP this year, I was reasonably certain things would never get off the ground. I knew a couple people might be interested, but with schedules being what they are (especially with several parents in the mix, myself included), I wasn’t sure the stars would align sufficiently to get the first session of the ground – much less a multi-year-spanning campaign like we used to run back in the day.

As it turns out, I have no problems with finding players for my group. Quite the opposite, actually.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: D&D, dnd, exclusion, group management, group size, leadership, low self esteem

By The Seat Of My Omnipotent Pants

March 15, 2011 by Vanir

This past week’s D&D session was something of an experiment for me. As I mentioned last week, I procrastinated a bit too much. By that, I mean that by about 2 hours to game time, I had managed to be indecisive enough to know several major plot points – just not the specifics or the order in which they would appear. Not having any combat encounters worked out turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because I had also invited a new player to the group over lunch that day. At this point, I was more than slightly worried the session was going to be a disaster and that we would wind up playing Snorta! for half the evening. Did I crash? Did I burn? Both? Hit the jump to discover the unthinkable truth.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Featured, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: bill o'reilly, reskinning, wing it

That Almost Sucked

March 8, 2011 by Vanir

A good D&D campaign should tell a story. But are you telling the story, or are the players? Is it both? Neither? Some combination of both and neither? After the jump, I muse about stuff that works in D&D and stuff that doesn’t. And I turn evil, if only for a few minutes.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre, Video Games Tagged With: 5x5, 5x5 method, DM, dungeon master, story, Storytelling, The 5x5 Method, world of warcraft

Dawn Of The Carrot Colossus

March 1, 2011 by Vanir

Last Thursday, I took the reins of a brand new D&D group. I had some nerves going into this. There’s the “just like climbing the rope in speech class” pressure of getting up and performing in front of people, and I also felt it necessary to up my internal drama ante a little by thinking “you are personally responsible for everyone’s fun at this table they will probably want the next five hours of their lives back NO PRESSURE.” — But I’m better now. Read on to see how it all went down.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games, Video Games Tagged With: adventure log, carrot cake, cement, cement block, DM, dungeon master, minas tirith, new campaign, new dm, zombies

Weird and Stubborn: A Tale of Omnipotence

February 22, 2011 by Vanir

This week, I undertake my first serious effort to run a campaign as a Dungeon Master in over 20 years of playing D&D. Will I succeed? Or will it be just like that one time when the things happened? Oh, God. The things! The THINGS! I wonder if I can just roll a Bluff check and have it work out OK in the form of a montage…….

Filed Under: Board, Card, and Miniature Games, Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre Tagged With: character builder, D&D, DM, dnd, dungeon master, first time, newbie

How WotC Doomed Us All By Making The Fates Do Way More Work

February 15, 2011 by Vanir

Learn the dark secrets about D&D WotC doesn’t want you to know! Discover how you can break the game by doing nothing but buying official game materials! Defeat your enemies using nothing but cards (without becoming one of the X-Men!) All this and how to use Fortune Cards to fix your love life after the jump.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Editorial, Featured, Humor, Inquisition of the Week, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: 4e, Dungeons and Dragons, fortune cards, nentir vale, wotc

DDXP 2011 Recap Part Deux: THE EXCITING REMAINDER

February 8, 2011 by Vanir

For those of you who missed last week’s recap of my trip to DDXP 2011: SPOILER ALERT! I had a seriously excellent time. Today’s article continues my account of my adventures in beautiful downtown Ft. Wayne, IN. Learning the Hard Way As I said yesterday, I had an awesome time playing in the Battle Interactive […]

Filed Under: Board, Card, and Miniature Games, Dire Flailings, Reviews, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre Tagged With: ashes of athas, baldman games, D&DXP, ddxp 2011, living forgotten realms, wizards of the coast

DDXP 2011 Recap

February 2, 2011 by Vanir

We laughed. We cried. We found out it’s not a good idea to heal a wizard if he’s surrounded by demons who get a free attack if he spends a healing surge.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, News, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: 4e, battle interactive, D&DXP, ddxp 2011

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About the Author

  • Vanir

    Vanir is the sort of man who has openly wondered aloud about his own armor class in front of his own grandmother. Despite this, he has still managed to somehow become both married and a father. By day, he develops web applications. By night, web applications develop him.

    Email: vanir@critical-hits.comWeb: https://critical-hits.com//category/dire-flailings/

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