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You are here: Home / Archives for Newest Critical Hits / Columns / Dire Flailings

My Favored Enemy Is Mean People

August 30, 2011 by Vanir

In case anyone didn’t see the entire Internet on fire yesterday afternoon, there was an article on Gizmodo yesterday entitled “My Brief OkCupid Affair With A World-Champion Magic: The Gathering Player”. The short version of this article is that the author made an OKCupid account, accidentally met Jon Finkel (a former Magic world champion), and then proceeded to not date him – because he played Magic. She apparently disliked this so much that she thought it was a good idea to use Gizmodo as her personal Facebook page and blog about her experiences and decided to let millions of people know what a clearly bad date one individual guy is. I’m sure his self-esteem has never been better. I’m not going to excoriate her in this here article. That would be unbecoming. Also, I think the Internet is going to do that all by itself without any help on my part.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings Tagged With: anger, dating, geek, geek love, hormones, i hate puberty, i hate puberty SO MUCH, mean girls, mean people, puberty, rabies, self esteem, stuart smalley

Hints From Dire Heloise

August 23, 2011 by Vanir

This week, I decided to open up the floor to reader questions. I am committed to answering these in the most serious way that I can.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: advice, bacon, dire heloise, plot, race/class cuisine, wotc

The Experience

August 16, 2011 by Vanir

In most of the games I play in, we just sort of level up as the campaign progresses. I can buy that. My years of martial arts training tell me that a boot to the head is a very powerful lesson. Combat is a great teacher, assuming one survives. However, the theory always sort of fell apart for me when it came to wizards. Certainly, the wizard would gain a lot of knowledge about what worked and what didn’t after a few battles, but that doesn’t explain why a few weeks into his travels he suddenly knows how to cast a Fireball. Wizards always got screwed anyway.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: combat, equal rights for mages, experience, fighters suck, learning, screwed, sword-chucks, unfair, wizard

It Only Works On The Weak-Minded (Or The Unprepared)

August 9, 2011 by Vanir

Once upon a time, I was at karate class just minding my own business, when a 10-year-old girl wearing a blue belt walks up to me with a question. I’d been a black belt for some time, so this was not an unusual occurrence. I was expecting for her to ask for help with her kata or how to do roundhouse kicks or something like that. Instead, she asks me simply, “Sensei, what’s a Jedi mind trick?”

Filed Under: Dire Flailings Tagged With: discipline, don't make fun of nerds they'll destroy you, jedi, jedi mind trick, karate, prepare, sensei

Tae Con Do – The Ancient Art of Convention Self-Defense

August 2, 2011 by Vanir

As most of you are no doubt aware, Gen Con begins in a matter of days. I can’t go this year, but it is one of my very favorite times of the year. (I’m not sure if I like it or Christmas more, but Gen Con has a slight edge in that it doesn’t play music that annoys the crap out of me for three months beforehand.) It is the most concentrated unbridled gaming fun I get to have in any given solar year, and I like to strap on my ceremonial fanny pack and let my hair all the way down for four days. That being said, bad things can and do happen to convention-goers. There are people out there who attend conventions and other public events to prey on the unwitting. It behooves all of us to be aware of our surroundings and to make informed, safe choices to protect ourselves.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings Tagged With: awareness, convention, dont sleep in the convention center alone omfg aneurism, gen con, grope, jiujitsu, judo, karate, rape, rape prevention, rex kwan do, self-defense, taekwondo

I Haven’t Washed My DM Pants In Six Months And They Smell Like Umber Hulk

July 26, 2011 by Vanir

When I got home from DDXP last January, the desire to have a gaming group again had been fanned from a wee spark into a roaring flame. I immediately set about the task of inviting people and getting things set up, and before we knew it, we were playing our first game together. Now, just a shade under 6 months in, I’m taking a step back to see how things are.

Filed Under: Board, Card, and Miniature Games, Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: cowabunga, don't move away plz, Feedback, five monthaversary, gaming group, omg feelings, pizza, player satisfaction

Save Yourself: Vote For Critical Hits

July 19, 2011 by Vanir

As many of you are aware, Critical Hits is up for an Ennie this year. Dave has already given you all several good reasons to vote for us, but I’m here today to seal the deal. I put myself at great personal risk to reveal this information, but a win this year would shed a lot of light on the truth all gamers need to know. The consequences for not reading could be quite random – and deadly!

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: D&D, d10, d12, d20, d30 who uses that, d4, d6, d8, ennies, gen con, gencon, venomous, VENOMOUS D12 OMG, vote

Communication Skills And Gaming: The Fundamental Truth About Fundamentals

July 12, 2011 by Vanir

Communication skills are very important to every facet of our lives that involves anyone but us. This means gaming too! Read on – and when you’re done, tell somebody what you’ve learned. Without using “um” or “uh”. Or WE’LL KNOW.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: communication, communication skills, cross-class, dm tips, drum circle, everyone is happy, fundamentals, harmony, player tips, QBQ, thanksgiving

Improvisational Safety Limits

July 5, 2011 by Vanir

Last week, I decided to simulate the randomness of dreams for my players in our D&D game. I decided to come up with almost everything on the fly to give it that extra little bit of realism. You know, for all the imaginary stuff. Needless to say, what ensued was a nightmare. GET IT?

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: dream, mutation, nightmare, random, wtf

Let Sleeping Dukes Lie

June 28, 2011 by Vanir

Poor ol’ Duke got cancelled and sold to other companies and cancelled and put through the most spectacular development hell any of us have ever heard of. I was incredibly worried the day Duke Nukem Forever came out last month. I was about 12% sure the world was going to end. Conversely, after the Worst Development Cycle Ever, I was over 90% sure Duke Nukem Forever was going to be really terrible. It wasn’t terrible. It was worse than that. It was disappointing.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Reviews, Video Games Tagged With: come get some, disappointment, duke nukem, duke nukem forever, duke nukum, duke3d, shake it baby

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About the Author

  • Vanir

    Vanir is the sort of man who has openly wondered aloud about his own armor class in front of his own grandmother. Despite this, he has still managed to somehow become both married and a father. By day, he develops web applications. By night, web applications develop him.

    Email: vanir@critical-hits.comWeb: https://critical-hits.com//category/dire-flailings/

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