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You are here: Home / Archives for Vanir

Fable 3 Half-Review: It Is A Giant Waste Of Time

November 9, 2010 by Vanir

Dear Fable 3: I hate you. Actually, I love most of you. But you have to treat me right, or I won’t be here forever. Actually, I will, but I will be here hating you. Forever.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Reviews, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre, Video Games Tagged With: expressions, Fable, fable 3, intense hatred, lionhead studios, peter molyneux

Orgrimmar Politics As Usual

November 2, 2010 by Vanir

It’s the end of a brutal election season, and the race for key positions in the Horde have never been closer. No one could have expected Thrall to step down from his position as Warchief, but it was no surprise to anyone just how heated the battle to ensue would become. Hit the jump for expanded election coverage!

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Featured, Humor, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre, Video Games Tagged With: biden, bush, cheney, clinton, faith based initiatives, garrosh hellscream, gore, grom hellscream, healthcare, high overlord saurfang, Humor, kerry, mary o'donnell, masturbation, mccain, no child left behind, obama, saurfang the elder, saurfang the younger, shamans, shamans rule, tax cuts, thrall, universal healthcare, varok saurfang, warcraft, world of warcraft, WoW

Review: Costume Quest

October 30, 2010 by Vanir

If you’d like to do something this Halloween that doesn’t involve scaring the unholy crap out of yourself, I humbly suggest you download a copy of Double Fine’s new RPG – Costume Quest. Warning: this game transformed me into an 8-year old boy, and I am no longer able to legally work in the United States. IT WAS WORTH IT.

Filed Under: Humor, Reviews, Video Games Tagged With: awesome, cat, costume quest, double fine, fries, halloween, knight, ninja, repugia, robot, unicorn, Vampire

Afraid Of The Dark

October 26, 2010 by Vanir

Get into the Halloween spirit with this festive post where I relive a bunch of the night terrors I had as a child. Woo! Party (while screaming bloody murder for my parents)!

Filed Under: Board, Card, and Miniature Games, Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre, Video Games Tagged With: darkness, freddy krueger, night terrors, nightmare, nightmare on elm street, scary, screaming

The Lion, The Witch, and the Progressive Enhancement: CRAZY DELICIOUS

October 20, 2010 by Vanir

When I am not being angry at BioWare or working feverishly into the night coming up with Star Wars-themed sexual innuendo, I sometimes show up to my day job as a web developer. One concept that we frequently use at work to make websites usable and friendly to everyone is called progressive enhancement. Put simply, […]

Filed Under: Board, Card, and Miniature Games, Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre, Video Games Tagged With: Crunch, fluff, lumbar support, progressive enhancement, Rule of Fun, web development, WoW

Nerdy-Five

October 12, 2010 by Vanir

OMG I’M OLD. When did this happen? Why don’t birthdays feel like they used to when I was a kid? WHAT IS MY TAUNTAUN’S NAME?

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Newest Critical Hits, Television, Video Games Tagged With: battlestar galactica, birthday, boing boing, bsg, centipede, get off my lawn, ghostbusters, he-man, star wars, thundercats, toys

Burlap Sex Alone Does Not A Relationship Make

October 5, 2010 by Vanir

Listen, BioWare. You know you’re the only development studio for me. It was never that your games were the prettiest. They’re nice, but you never made me save vs. pants-change like, say, God Of War 3. It was never that your gameplay is the smoothest or most innovative. Don’t get me wrong, Mass Effect 2 was a nice step up from its predecessor, with its powers and equipment systems all nicely overhauled and refined and that superfun mining minigame. That’s not why every BioWare game is a day one purchase for me. But you’re screwing up the main reason you’re awesome. Quit it.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre, Video Games Tagged With: age, angry, baby, bioware, dlc, dragon, dragon age, morrigan, nickel and dime, pregnancy, pregnant, ps3, ripoff, value, wtf, xbox

Goodbye, From a Grandson

September 28, 2010 by Vanir

I lost my grandmother yesterday. She was 83 years old and one of the most awesome people I’ve ever known. Everything I write seems terribly inadequate, but I do want to try and share how important she was to me and who I’d eventually become.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings Tagged With: childhood, Death, grandmother, happiness, memories, sad

Solving The Sith Problem

September 15, 2010 by Vanir

For hundreds of thousands of years, the Jedi and the Sith have been at war. Billions have lost their lives. I say we can stop this cycle of needless violence without firing a shot.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Movies, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre, Television Tagged With: darth, darth malak, darth maul, darth plagueis, darth revan, darth sidious, darth vader, emotions, george lucas, jedi, jedi sex, jedi yiffing, lightsaber sex, luke skywalker, metal bikini, padme, palpatine, repression, sex, sith, star wars, therapy

Tales of Horror: D&D for TWEENS

September 7, 2010 by Vanir

Imagine a world in which the D&D you know and love is reimagined and marketed to tweens. Now look at this duck. Now look at me. Look at this double scoop of horror. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Nothing. Now it is fear diamonds.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Music, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre, Television, Web Meme Tagged With: beholder, D&D, Halaster, hannah montana, iCarly, Jonas Brothers, justin bieber, Miranda Cosgrove, nickelodeon, omg, undermountain, wtf

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About the Author

  • Vanir

    Vanir is the sort of man who has openly wondered aloud about his own armor class in front of his own grandmother. Despite this, he has still managed to somehow become both married and a father. By day, he develops web applications. By night, web applications develop him.

    Email: vanir@critical-hits.comWeb: https://critical-hits.com//category/dire-flailings/

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