Review: Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab RPG Series Scents

OK, quick word association game: when you think of the words “D&D” and “scent”, what immediately comes to mind?

Probably not something pleasant. Luckily, Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab is trying to change that, or at least make that scent something more interesting than “Odeur de corporelle.” Seventeen vials of liquid character await, but are they worth the price? Will they get you laid?? This is dangerous reporting, folks.

The “RPG Series” includes 6 races, 6 classes, and 5 alignments – Good/Evil, and Chaotic, Neutral or Lawful. Intended to be blended together rather than be stand-alone perfumes, one should combine drops from 4 vials to create a character. Each vial sells for $17.50; though there is a no-return policy, you may purchase an “Imp Ear” of any of the RPG collection scents for $4.00, or 6 for $22.

PROS

• Uniqueness/Customizability
• Role-Playing enhancement
• Ability to buy a trial size for a reduced price

CONS

• High cost
• Good roleplaying does not necessarily mean a sexy scent

First things first: despite what the locked cabinet at the drugstore may have lead you to believe, perfumes and scents are not meant to be gender-specific. Sure, there are smells that lend themselves toward “masculine” or “feminine”, but it’s really a matter of interpretation. In fact, I found myself pleasantly surprised by some scents; for instance, I expected “Lawful Good” (note there is no scent for human, your own brand suffices I suppose) and “Paladin” to smell unabashedly masculine, which would have sent me into a rant about sexism. Instead, I found the combination to be more subtle: Flowery, but somehow strong underneath. Indeed, this was not a scent that I could imagine a guy wearing out to attract women. Also worth noting is the subjective nature of both the nose and the bearer of the scent; these perfumes might not only smell different TO you, they might smell different ON you.

Here’s the main issue: if you want to wear something to spice up your D&D adventure, this is a perfect product. Each scent I tried rang true to the words the vials bore. Again, since the scents are meant to be combined, some of them are almost offensive on their own. “Good”, for instance, smells sickeningly sweet yet fits nicely into a number of combinations. But I doubt many among us are going to shell out $70 for a full set of perfumes that make one smell like a dank, moldy cave (I’m looking at you, “Chaotic Neutral Dwarf Fighter”!)

If you’re looking for something that smells a particular way, something that you’d use to attract mating partners, use your no doubt well-trained imagination. I found that most of the scents I expected to smell “nice” smelled nice. “Evil” smells dead sexy, period – no real shock there! Most of the races you would expect to smell…unique and character-filled…do. I thought “Neutral Orc Fighter” was a great role-playing scent – kind of like a truck-stop bathroom, though more on the side of the air freshener used within. Conversely, Elf is not the most masculine smell, though that can be tempered. A particular favorite was “Chaotic Evil Elf Rogue” – very sexy, springtime in the woods, but exotic and spicy. Certainly appropriate on man or woman.

The bottom line? It’s hard for me to give one. I really enjoyed mixing and matching day to day, but that’s really not an option unless you have a lot of cash hanging around – I’d be happy to help out anyone with that particular problem, by the way! The creativity and hard work that clearly went into these products certainly deserves partaking in a few sample sizes. Each individual scent is paired with a few descriptive words on the website to make your choices easier. Who knows? You may find something that is truly, uniquely you – or whoever you’d like to be.

Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab RPG scents are available now from their website. A free sample of their product was provided for purposes of this review.