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You are here: Home / Archives for Humor

Divine Divinity: Dividends Of The Divination Divide

April 25, 2012 by Vanir

D&D’s been around so long that clerics and paladins are a normal part of most fantasy settings. Divine magic in any setting has a great many implications — most of which involve causing players to get into stupid arguments.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: aphrodite, ares, carlton from the fresh prince, catholicism, christianity, deities, deity, divination, divine, eddie van halen, god, gods, hera, jupiter, Mars, venus, wing commander, zealotry, zeus

Golden Oldie – A Marvel Heroic Roleplaying Preview

April 1, 2012 by Vanir

Ever wanted to roleplay Peter Parker’s sweet old Aunt May, except she’s been chosen by Galactus to wield the Power Cosmic in his name? OF COURSE YOU DID.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: april fool, april fools, aunt may, brian patterson, cam banks, d20monkey, dave chalker, golden oldie, marvel, Marvel RPG, mws, phillipe antoine menard, shinygold sexypants

The Agony & The Ecstasy of D&D Next

April 1, 2012 by Dave

Following the “Retraction” episode of This Greyhawk Life, I feel I must explain myself. As you may have heard on the episode, I now admit that my account of visiting the Wizards of the Coast offices in Seattle and playing D&D Next has had elements that were not entirely truthful.

Filed Under: Editorial, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: D&D, D&D next, new edition of D&D

The Swag of Yore

March 13, 2012 by Vanir

When I was a kid, we could watch a D&D cartoon and buy AD&D toys at most toy stores. Now, our selection of D&D items appears to be mostly limited to games. t-shirts, and leather goods. Read for musings about how things have changed for D&D merch over the last 30 years, and childish hopes for the future. My heart and wallet ache.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Featured, Humor, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre Tagged With: books, D&D, Dungeons and Dragons, endless quest, fire elemental, games, odious ogre, pvc figure, shambling mound, toys

O The Tangled Webs We Weep, When Breathe We Don’t When Go To Sleep

March 6, 2012 by Vanir

Ever since I was a wee lad, I’ve always had really vivid dreams. On occasion, this translates into really vivid nightmares, which sucks mightily. Usually, though, it just means I’m going to have a good story to tell come the dawn. Well, that is, until I found out I had sleep apnea. Turns out, one of the side effects of stopping to take a break during sleep to not breathe every few minutes is that you never really leave REM sleep — causing incredibly vivid dreams. Getting a machine to help with that provides me with a lot more energy during the day, but I only get a tiny fraction of the WTF I used to reap each night. This week, however, my sinuses have decided to clog up everything, making it really hard for my machine to blow air down my throat to keep me breathing normally. And that meant it was SHOWTIME.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre Tagged With: aliens, apnea, conventions, cortex, cpap, dreams, illinois central college, kmart, leverage, marvel, orange chairs, pregnant, sweaters, tractors, warm mood lighting

10 Epic-Level Problems Nobody Thinks About

February 22, 2012 by Vanir

Everybody thinks being powerful enough to slap-fight the gods themselves would be completely awesome. There’s a reason epic-level D&D breaks down. Actually, there are ten. And NONE OF YOU have thought of ANY of them. Unless you’re future epic-level me. In which case, you probably have.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre Tagged With: bunny, epic, epic tier, family reunion, fluffy, gods, hippogriff, kingdom come, kitty, mythology, puppy, republicans

The Statistical Truth* About Gender And Racial Stat Modifiers

February 14, 2012 by Vanir

Racial and Gender stat modifiers have been a part of many editions of D&D over the years. However, the evidence* clearly shows how inaccurate* these rules are*. Read on to discover the shocking truth* behind everything you’ve ever known*.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: dwarf, gender, half-elf, half-orc, Human, race, stat modifiers

Dwarven SEAL Team Neutralizes Terrorist DM Threat: Film At 11

January 31, 2012 by Vanir

This year at DDXP, I got to try out running games for complete strangers. Little did I know what I had actually signed on for. Find out how six dwarves can make a grown man weep using only some ingenuity and a sackful of d12s.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: adventuring company, battle interactive, cthulhu, D&DXP, dagon, ddxp 2012, DDXP2012, dndnext, Dwarves, lfr, living forgotten realms, minmax, ring of sympathy

The Island Of Misfit Christmas Article Ideas

December 20, 2011 by Vanir

It was my intention to write a funny Christmas article this week. It didn’t turn out so well. Come on anyway, you’re already here. Ho ho ho and all that.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Featured, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: atari, christmas, hanukkah, happiness, kwanzaa, log, mind flayers, presents, santa, yuletide

Improv Pushups: The Movie

October 17, 2011 by Vanir

Early Monday morning, I bid farewell to one Dave Chalker (who I had been staying with for the week, and who had risen with me to get me to the airport before the coming of the dread Day Star).I came all the way to the East coast for one specific purpose: to game my face off. More specifically, DC Gameday was this weekend, and I wanted to game my face off as close to Congress as I possibly could. Somebody’s got to show those guys how to play nice together, right?

Filed Under: Board, Card, and Miniature Games, Dire Flailings, Featured, Humor, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: ascension, cortex, dc game day, dc gameday, fiasco, leverage, microscope, star trek deckbuilding, yogurt

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About the Author

  • Vanir

    Vanir is the sort of man who has openly wondered aloud about his own armor class in front of his own grandmother. Despite this, he has still managed to somehow become both married and a father. By day, he develops web applications. By night, web applications develop him.

    Email: vanir@critical-hits.comWeb: https://critical-hits.com//category/dire-flailings/

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