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You are here: Home / Archives for Vanir

The Green Menace

June 8, 2010 by Vanir

Fellow gamers, we need to take a stand. We face nothing less than green, leafy Sauron. Instead of fear and eternal darkness, he now uses the power of Moore’s Law and the uncanny ability for the modern gamer to look at a beautiful game from two years ago to say “meh”. He sets us against each other when we play Nerd Poker or when we rules-lawyer, fighting endlessly over minutiae. We are distracted from the real threat. IMPORTANT READING FOR ALL CHILDREN OF MAN.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor Tagged With: ents, evil, green ronin, miller chill lite beer, omg trees, treants, trees

Review: “Dragon Age: Awakening”

June 1, 2010 by Vanir

Though the Archdemon lies defeated, the darkspawn are still loitering all over Amaranthine. Like TEENAGERS. Do you have the courage to remove them from your lawn?

Filed Under: Humor, Reviews, Video Games Tagged With: altered beast, awakening, boobs, borg, borg queen, dlc, dragon age, dragon age origins, dragon age: awakening, grey warden, jonathan frakes ftw, puritans

Mysteries Of The Unknown, Volume XVI: Unhappy Fanboys

May 25, 2010 by Vanir

Like many of you, I spent my Sunday evening in front of my TV, looking for some closure after six years of Lost. Like many of you, I had my theories as to what in the hell was going on, and I’d heard from several sources that the end of this great show wouldn’t disappoint. It was enough for some, but I say we were owed more.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Roleplaying Games, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre, Television Tagged With: D&D, damn you j j abrams, death by stoning, Dungeons and Dragons, emotion-destroying koreans, hurley, hurley is the man, jin, john locke, kate, lack, Lost, sawyer, smokey, sun

Review: “Mega Man 10”

May 19, 2010 by Vanir

Though generally well-received, many considered Mega Man 9 to be too difficult and frustrating. A year and a lot of customer feedback later, the next installment in the series aims to bring the 8-bit happiness to a wider audience. Did they succeed without watering down the game too much?

Filed Under: Featured, Reviews, Video Games Tagged With: 8-bit, elec man, guts man, mega man, mega man 1, mega man 10, mega man 9, megaman, megaman 10, Reviews, rockman, sheep man

You’re Not Just Good, You’re Golden

May 18, 2010 by Vanir

For the life of me, I never have fully understood the human compulsion to fill out forms containing their personal data on a computer. If I walked up to a random person on the street with a form asking for their personal data, they’d probably think I was up to something unsavory (like signing them up for a credit card), and tell me to shove off. You put the same person on Facebook, and it wouldn’t surprise me if at least a good portion of their extended profile information is filled in. What benefit does this give anyone but Facebook and their demographic-engine? You know, aside from thoughtfully tailored ads for the user’s pleasure.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor Tagged With: 1995, bbs, connect 14400, fidonet, frontdoor, maximus, modem, renegade

The KFC Double Down – The End of Humanity

May 10, 2010 by Vanir

Do you smell that? Do you enjoy the aroma? The succulent scent of YOUR DOOM? It’s too late now, but the very least you can do is find out what’s coming. The irony: nothing will eat YOU. Quite the contrary, actually. It matters not if you choose grilled or fried. Your fate is sealed.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor Tagged With: double down, fatnarok, FKC, jormungandr, oh the humanity, ragnarok

Cleanings of Spring Dawning

May 4, 2010 by Vanir

This past week, my wife and I have been going through the house getting rid of old stuff. She enjoys freeing up space and seeing the house clean. I enjoy looking at my old stuff, reliving all the good times we had together, and almost weeping when I throw any of it away. And that’s not even talking about my boxes of AD&D 1E books from high school. SAVE VS PETRIFICATION.

Filed Under: Board, Card, and Miniature Games, Dire Flailings, Humor, Roleplaying Games, Video Games Tagged With: ad&d 1e, atari 2600, cleaning, colecovision, dmg, dreamcast, n64, nintendo entertainment system, phb, playstation, ps2, ps3, sega genesis, sega master system, super nintendo, xbox, xbox 360

Review: Dragon Age: Origins – Return To Ostagar DLC

April 29, 2010 by Vanir

Dragon Age fans! Go back to where it all started! See dead people! Find stuff. If you’re me, be disappointed. Should you buy this? Read on for my recommendation. (Hint: NO.)

Filed Under: Reviews, Video Games Tagged With: bioware, DA:O, david gaider, dragon age, dragon age origins, man at arms is very upset, microsoft points, money grab, paid DLC, return to ostagar, Roleplaying Games, videogame

Save vs. Misogyny: An Open Letter To Gen Con’s Event Organizers

April 20, 2010 by Vanir

See that ball and chain? That’s how Gen Con is portraying our wives and girlfriends in their event registration system. Activating rant mode.

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Editorial, Roleplaying Games Tagged With: ball and chain, conventions, gen con, gencon 2010, husbands, spouses, wife aggro, wives, wtf

Review: “God of War III”

April 16, 2010 by Vanir

God of War III is big, beautiful, and ultra-violent. But does it live up to the hype? To find out, you must visit the Oracle at Delphi! (Or, you can just click the link if you don’t have that kind of time.)

Filed Under: Featured, Reviews, Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre, Video Games Tagged With: aphrodite, blades of exile, cerberus, ghost of sparta, god of war, god of war 2, god of war 3, god of war II, god of war III, hades, hera, hermes, kratos, puritans, zeus

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About the Author

  • Vanir

    Vanir is the sort of man who has openly wondered aloud about his own armor class in front of his own grandmother. Despite this, he has still managed to somehow become both married and a father. By day, he develops web applications. By night, web applications develop him.

    Email: vanir@critical-hits.comWeb: https://critical-hits.com//category/dire-flailings/

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