• Critical-Hits Studios
    • Criminals Card Game
    • Sentinel Comics: the Roleplaying Game
  • Downloads & Tools
    • Critical Hits Fantasy Name Generator
    • Drinking D&D 2010
    • Drinking D&D 2011
    • Fiasco Playset: “Alma Monster”
    • MODOK’s 11 for Marvel Heroic Roleplaying
    • Refuge In Audacity RPG
    • Strange New Worlds RPG
  • Guides
    • Gamma World
    • Guide to 4e Accessories
    • Guide to Gaming DVDs
    • Skill Challenges
  • RSS Feed
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Critical Hits

Everything tabletop gaming since 2005

  • News
  • Reviews
  • Columns
    • Dire Flailings
    • Dungeonomics
    • Musings of the Chatty DM
    • Pain of Publication
    • The Architect DM
  • Podcasts
    • Critical Hits Podcast
    • Dungeon Master Guys Podcast
  • Roleplaying Games
  • Tabletop Games
  • Game Hacks & Content
  • Video Games

Night Of The Gaming Dead

October 30, 2012 by Vanir

“Are zombies going to be a playable class in the D&D Next playtest?
NO REASON.”

There’s been a lot of my mind lately, what with the Presidential election, the Frankenstorm pointed directly at most of Critical Hits’s staff, and the unholy rebirth of Furbys. However, the terror at the center of every sleepless night since I can remember has been this and this alone:

If the zombie apocalypse comes, how will I play D&D?

Dealing With Infected Players

Depending on how good you are at surviving a zombie apocalypse, it’s possible that one or more of your players may become infected. If this happens, don’t panic! This is a serious situation and will likely result in some stress at the game table, but it can be overcome like most gaming group problems.

You may decide, as most survivors of a zombie apocalypse do, that killing the infected or turned is the way to go. If your group does not already have a social contract, now would be a great time to come up with one. The manner and circumstances of killing a member of the group should be one of the top priority items.

With a few exceptions, gaming supplies are not particularly well suited for dealing enough cranial damage to stop the typical zombie. This is why it’s important to invite someone to your group as soon as possible with an unhealthy interest in medieval and/or fantasy replica weaponry. Though these weapons might be decorative and never intended to see real combat, they’re certainly going to work better than that bag of extra-sharp d4’s you’ve been saving for a special occasion. If nothing else, convince your group to play a game with extremely thick reference manuals. I recommend Pathfinder, Rolemaster, and any edition of Champions. The more 20+lb. books in your players’ hands, the safer you are from the jaws of the unliving.

If you decide to spare the lives of your infected friends to keep them in the game, make each and every one is adequately restrained. I recommend buying sturdy metal or wooden chairs that can be secured to the floor. Plain old police-issue handcuffs and rope or chain will do the job in a pinch, but you may be able to find something a little more comfortable if you have access to a hospital or old abandoned mental facility. The players who have turned may not mind, but the ones who haven’t will definitely thank you one last time before they too walk the Earth eternally damned to hunt for brains.

Make sure that you don’t get bitten or scratched yourself! A good DM can weather a lot of adverse conditions, sometimes even death itself, but becoming a mindless, shambling beast with a single-minded hunger for the flesh of the living can really hamper your ability to organize, roleplay, or even run combat.

Pizza Time

Since we don’t know how or when the zombie apocalypse will happen, only that it will inevitably do so, all we can really do is try to be ready. A D&D group faces a unique obstacle in that pizza, our primary source of gaming sustenance, will largely be unavailable along with the rest of all the food in the world.

That’s why we all need to start stockpiling now.

I recommend building a secret underground pizza bunker with its own solar-powered refrigeration system. Each game night, order three times as much pizza as you normally would. Two go in the doom-freezer. Tell no one what you are doing. When the world ends and game night comes round, make sure you ration just enough pizza to feed the group for the night. Keeping the campaign alive is the priority. Everyone will understand.

You Are Legend

As time passes, you may find yourself in a difficult situation. You may become separated from your gaming group, or your group may have become a party of the walking dead. Whatever happens, the only people you’ll have to roleplay with will be zombies. This is going to be a rough patch in your gaming life, it can be overcome like most gaming group problems.

Finding players for a game when the only people left are zombies is not as difficult as it might sound. The bad news is that they all will want to kill and eat you more than they want to roll dice. The good news is, you bought those restraints. You may want to cut off your new members’ limbs to decrease their mobility. It may come as a surprise, but I don’t really recommend that your undead players go home after every session like you may have been used to before. It’s safer for you, and it’s more fun to see the same faces at the gaming table week after week.

More roleplay-heavy DM’s are going to be pretty disappointed with an all-zombie group of players. You may try dressing your players as the standard basic party classes, but even a zombie in a purple wizard hat is going to get dull eventually. The best way to cope is simply to let the zombies do what they’re good at. Zombies are really the only thing that zombies are good at being, so tailoring your adventures around the party finding, killing, and eating the muscles, bones, sinew, and brains of the innocent living are a pretty safe bet. The downside is you may find yourself bored with the same subject matter every single week. The upsides are that your group will be more emotionally engaged in an adventure of any party of living, breathing players you ever ran a game for — and you can have the pizza you’ve been stockpiling all to yourself.

More combat-oriented DM’s are going to have to exercise a lot of patience. Their players are going to require a great deal of handholding, both in the figurative and occasionally literal sense. Whether you decide to use minis or theatre-of-the-mind combat is up to you. Both have their pros and cons. Finding the exact mini for the job is going to be hard after the world ends (PROTIP: you will need a lot of zombies), but you should be able to scavenge enough pieces from the rotting corpses of your players to get through most combats. Theatre-of-the-mind combat as you know it today tends to work better with players who have minds, but for players that don’t it allows the DM to handwave a lot of the details. This allows you to circumvent a lot of arguments about whether the brains got eaten in groups where you have a mix of slow and fast zombies (the latter being the minmaxers of the zombie D&D crowd).

Eventually, if you survive, you may encounter other survivors. Encourage them to play D&D with you. Then, a few weeks into the campaign, tell them you have a surprise — an “evil” party that wants to fight them. Then introduce your other group. The roleplaying tension will be palpable.

Soldier On

I hope this information brings you solace where I found none. It’s our job as Dungeon Masters to make sure our campaigns survive, even if civilization doesn’t.

When Z-Day comes, I’ll be holed up in my underground gaming bunker. When it all goes down, I’ll post coordinates here and on my social media accounts. I’m not really sure what my schedule will be after the world ends, but good nights for me will probably be Wednesdays and Thursdays. Join me if you can.

 

 

Photo Credit

Share This:

  • Tweet
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Email
  • Print

Filed Under: Dire Flailings, Humor Tagged With: dawn of the dead, halloween, night of the living dead, resident evil, walking dead, Zombie Apocalypse, zombies

Comments

  1. Marcus says

    October 30, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    I have a problem in that the draconian zoning laws in my area only allow ONE underground bunker with solar-powered refrigeration system per lot, regardless of intended use of said bunkers. In the face of this kind of middle management, how can I properly stockpile a secret supply of pizza if I’m currently using the other for a vast array of human experimentation for a project I’m working on? Also, slightly off topic, but do you know if the FDA considers “loss of mental faculties” a prohibitive side effect of a new steroid that increases the lifespan of the average human and can be administered via viral contact?

About the Author

  • Vanir

    Vanir is the sort of man who has openly wondered aloud about his own armor class in front of his own grandmother. Despite this, he has still managed to somehow become both married and a father. By day, he develops web applications. By night, web applications develop him.

    Email: vanir@critical-hits.comWeb: https://critical-hits.com//category/dire-flailings/

    Follow me:

Subscribe

RSS Feed

Archives

CC License

All articles and comments posted posted on the site (but not the products for sale) are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License. References to trademarks and copywritten material are included for review and commentary use only and are not intended as any kind of challenge.

Recent Comments

  • fogus: The best things and stuff of 2024 on Remembering the Master: An Inelegant Eulogy for Kory Heath
  • Routinely Itemised: RPGs #145 on Review: The Magus
  • The Chatty DM on Review: The Magus
  • Linnaeus on Review: The Magus
  • 13th Age: Indexing Truths — Critical Hits on The Horizon Conspiracy

Contact The Staff

Critical Hits staff can be reached via the contact information on their individual staff pages and in their articles. If you want to reach our senior staff, email staff @ critical-hits.com. We get sent a lot of email, so we can't promise we'll be able to respond to everything.

Recent Posts

  • Remembering the Master: An Inelegant Eulogy for Kory Heath
  • Review: The Magus
  • Hope in the Dark Heart of Evil is Not a Plan
  • Chatty on Games #1: Dorf Romantik
  • The Infinity Current: Adventure 0

Top Posts & Pages

  • Home
  • The 5x5 Method Compendium
  • Dungeons & Dragons "Monster Manual" Preview: The Bulette!
  • Critical Hits Fantasy Name Generator
  • On Mid-Medieval Economics, Murder Hoboing and 100gp
  • "The Eversink Post Office" - An Unofficial Supplement for Swords of the Serpentine
  • Finally a manual for the rest of them!
  • Dave Chalker AKA Dave The Game
  • How to Compare Birds to Fish
  • The Incense War: a Story of Price Discovery, Mayhem, and Lust

Copyright © 2025 · News Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in