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Chatty’s Question: Gaming S.O.?

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This post was inspired by this one.

Okay, I spent all evening prepping for tomorrow’s game, which is on with 4 players.

So I thought now was as good a time to ask you one of my patented question to blatantly bait for comments and entertain me.

Do you have a Significant Other? If so, is he/she a gamer like you? Do they play in your RPG Session? How does that go? Do you, for instance, succeed in separating in game issues from couples ones?

In my 25 years of RPging, the subject of having a Significant Other gaming with our group has come up a few times.  I vividly recall having my high school girlfriend playing Gurps, Car Wars and other games with us, with limited damage to our gaming group (but then again, I have a strong reality filter when it suits me).

However, I do recall inviting some girls I had a strong interest for in my games (especially during my college years as officer of the McGill Gaming club).

(Yeah, it worked at least once, but the cost ended up being high)

Fast forward a few years…

My heavenly geeky wife (we’ve been together 12 years, married 9) has some gamer genes (Munchkins, Settlers of Catan, Gang of Four, etc) but no taste for the time commitment of RPGs.  She remains, thank all the gods, a gamer friendly S.O. and I bless every morning that I wake up and find her still at my side.

What about you?  I’m curious, how do you mix your love life with your tabletop RPG one.

Gimme some crunch people!

Have a great weekend, I’ll chime in with my game report over the weekend.

Credits: Wallyg (Picture, Creative Commons)

Comments

  1. My S.O. has been gamer friendly for years. She has always been invited to our DnD sessions but was never really interested. She did like to come to eavesdrop once in a while.

    My DnD group are common friends, so she eventually felt a bit “left out” by our RPGing. So I managed to convince her to try playing with us.

    Turns out she was intimidated by the game. Choices, rules, role playing, etc. We managed to make this easier for her and she ended up liking to participate – mostly because she liked the stories we built.

    She started being a more active player when we switched to 4.0. I think the streamlined rules and easy to understand powers (choices of action) helped a lot.

    Never did bother our relationship, really.

    Yet.

    Eric Maziades last blog post..Describing attacks

  2. To be honest, I’ve never dated outside my game group, and never for anyone I wasn’t running for.

    Bias I’m not sure about. One could make a case for that, over the years… but at the same time, the role I took in the game my ex ran would probably have gone the same if we hadn’t started seeing each other in mid-campaign (given that I was already doing crazy-leadership stuff and being egged on by my teammates)–and we’re still in each other’s games with relatively few hard feelings either way–and my current SO tends to steer the plot in mine because he’s the one who gets the feasible (if a bit unlikely) ideas.

    Ravyns last blog post..Secret Identity Aesthetics

  3. My S.O. is of the jealous variety, and at first it was hard to let me run off and play RPGs with God-knows-who (I haven’t had a stable group since before our relationship, so I tried to get into the game in University here). That didn’t last long.

    But we’ve slowly been coming to terms with one anothers’ passions. I’ll watch football and be nice about it and he’ll give it a shot. I’ve decided that I’m gonna start fresh with AD&D2. I’m scared about the fact that my current System-of-Choice is Rolemaster (although High Adventure RolePlaying by Iron Crown Enterprises is a beautiful system). Wish me luck!

  4. My Fiance plays D&D with me, but she acts like she hates it, and we can’t talk about it when we’re not actually sitting down to play. 😛 Since our gaming group has pretty much disbanded… well, I send her links to cool posts and things, and she usually responds with something like: “o i hate dnd :P”
    lol.
    We do play other games together, mostly WoW – we both have 70s, and since we’re both MMO-introverts, we’re typically in a group with each other, doing stuff on our own.

    SeiferTims last blog post..Tutorial: Show D&D Icon Font on Page using FLIR

  6. My S.O. is in fact a gamer like me. We’re playing together in an Exalted campaign. We often spend a few hours in bed, discussing our campaign and our characters.

    We never have issues seperating our out game issues with the in-game ones though. If we just had a fight, that does not mean our characters can’t work together just fine. We can sit nicely together on the couch as she tells the GM how her character is beating the snot out of mine. We’ll happily cheer eachother on as the other’s character is getting lucky with an NPC.

    I have to say, I love it. I’ve had S.O.’s in the past who couldn’t stand my hobby or the friends I played it with, and it’d always put a tremendous strain on the relationship.

    So yes, I consider myself very lucky with my situation. I love my geek girlfriend 🙂

  8. I play in three campaigns, and I run two campaigns, and my wife plays in one of them. No issues at all. The only problem is that she’s not interested in the D&D 3.5 level of detail when it comes to character creation, levelling up, or buying magic items. But the two of us seem to be the only ones interested in switching to a simpler rules set (M20 Hard Core). I think us two have the same gamer type, unlike other people in our groups.

    Alex Schröders last blog post..Comments on Holidays

  9. If a game is being run in my house my wife either goes out for the day or goes to bed early. For the last three years I’ve been getting P ripped from me any time it’s mentioned but I’ve gradually talking her round.

    She’s finally watched and enjoyed the LotR and Star Wars movies as well as picking up some of my novels. I’ve got her itching for the 2nd half of Battlestar Galactica and between wisecracks I’ve caught her reading the campaign setting notes I’ve been writting up.

    I’ll get her gaming yet. Small steps and all that.

    Bobs last blog post..Has The Magic Gone?

  10. Not so good on my side. My girlfriend is not a gamer (but she plays MMOs) and accepts my gaming quirks but I have got yelled at during a couple of sessions before.

    The time commitment that I dedicate to her has strained my gaming time but I’m still trying to fix a balance. Then again, most of my non-gamer friends don’t know what I’m up to when I say I’m not available on the weekends.

    Questing GMs last blog post..Word of Wizards – Digital Insider #11: Launch

  11. My wife (since 4 months; girlfriend since 5 years) is extremely supportive of my geekiness.

    In fact, she joins in everything geeky I do:

    – she plays euro-style boardgames

    – she watches me play video games (she finds it more entertaining than television)

    – she supports and even encourages me to stay working in the video games industry (which is a real stressy jobs at times)

    – she is a player in my DnD campaign (although now, with a second baby being expected for the end of this month, she will pull back from the game for a while).

    – she reads my paizo pathfinder products that she doesn’t play in; she finds it an interesting read.

    I love her! 🙂

    Sektors last blog post..Return of the old me

  12. I’ve been gaming 27 years. I’ve been with my S.O. for 17 years, married 13 years this November.

    Gaming is pretty much a part of who I am. Lovely Wife played with me for a while – she even ran a game – but doesn’t anymore. She is also a gaming-friendly Lovely Wife, and doesn’t mind that I abandon her and the kids every other week to go game.

    I love her.

    Mikes last blog post..Miracles do happen!

  13. Woot new faces! New readers? De-lurkers? Welcome all!

    @Eric: You are a lucky man, I predict a house filled with gamer children and family campaign in the basement like it probably was in the Gygax household.

    @Ravyn: Wait… all people you dated were people your were DMing for? So is it because RPGing was/is your main social outlet and you always DM, making this a cause and effect? Or is there some sinister Librarian-in-training Entrapment ring I’m missing. Just kidding of course…. or am I?

    @MichaelM: Jealousy is such a drag (and seem to strike people with way too much free time). I mean it’s not like you’ll run off with the first barbarian that strikes your fancy?

    Also, did I get this right? You’re thinking of going from Rolemaster to A D&D 2e? I’m not passing judgment, but I’m wondering if you are posting this comment from my own College years (i.e. the early-mid 90’s)? Cheers!

    @Seifer: So she plays hard to RPG eh? Crafty girl. You should let her organize the next group and let her DM… after she gets over her fear, the power trip it will give her will covert her forever MWA HA HA HA! Ahem, sorry about that.

    @Trask: Thanks for the link… entirely appropriate!

    @Conlean, Bob, Sekktor and Mike: Ah, echos to my current situation. Blessed we be, to have found gamer friendly love!

    @Paul: RPGplaying archeologist couple? That’s made of Win!

    @Alex: Looking forward to meeting her!

    @Questing GM: Look up Trask’s Pre-Nuptial. Not that I think your GF is like that, I have found the strain of jealous, gamer hostile S.O. to be quite a drag. I never had one, but some of my gamer buddies did.

    Great responses, as always!

  14. I have been with my gaming gal for 18 yrs , ever since High School (last year), But she has played with me Gm’ing and as a fellow playa. It was a serious point in us getting together. If you do not roll d20 or dice, I told her I was not interested. Luckily she was keen on Almost all the systems I play or played, short of GURPS. So I am truly lucky, hopefully i can get my 3 yr old to grow up enjoying the gaming world.

  16. @Mike: Another Québecois I see. Always happy to see some nearby friends hop in the Chatty ride.

    Bienvenue sur le blog vieux!

    I so need to finish that French post and publish it.

    @Chad: Welcome to the blog! I assume you have read my ‘Playing with children’ series. I’ll put it on my Best of Chatty list.

  17. I actually proposed to my Fiance in her first game of D&D. I had picked up the 3.5 beginner set at a local Toys R Us that was going out of business. This past April, as a ruse to get her to try D&D before I “spent a lot of money on 4th edition” I convinced her to try the starter set. We got about halfway through the adventure when the group came across a room full of mushrooms. There was a dead body in the corner, and because she was playing the fighter, the group voted that she should check it out (in case it was trapped or something). This was at our local game store, and everyone knew what was going on but her. As she checked the body, I told her she found a bag, and then handed her my dice bag with the ring box inside. People were pointing cameras at her and taking pictures, and she still had no idea until she opened the box. It was great. Now she plays in my monthly 4th campaign, and hangs out at the store making comments while I play in one of my friend’s 3.5 campaign.

  19. I met my wife through gaming. MArried for sixteen years now. We game together quite a bit even now. Play together in Castle Falkenstein and Serenity. And while she will play in games I run, I tend not play in hers, because she is usually trying to prove she is fair to all by being twice as tough on me.

  20. My wife is a constant pleasure to have at our gaming table. She was roleplaying before I met her and continues to play in the games I run. I also play in a lot of PbP and I can’t get her to commit to that style of gaming. Its too slow for her, she prefers to rp online with her AIM friends. We have another gaming couple in our group too. Now if only we could find a regular time when all my players could game together. We only get to play 1/month lately because of time commitments and finding a babysitter for my 4 year old. I’m a huge fan of your Gaming with Kids entries. I’ve even started getting my kid into it telling super hero stories with me.

  22. My wife (married almost 2 years, together for 5), is semi-supportive of my gaming habit. I tried once to get her to do the DnD thing but it didn’t work when she decided that, with out even looking at a book, she wanted a druid with mithril armor. I got as far as, “well, druids don’t really wear metal..” and her answer was “forget it” and has not even tried since. Other than that though, is usually understanding of my gaming with only occassional complaints about it taking time away from her (we play once a week, with some missed sessions here and there).
    I know for a fact that she HATES all the miniatures (though she’ll deny it) and calls them my “little plastic men”.
    She’s played and thoroughly enjoyed Settlers of Catan, but I don’t consider that gaming. I do dream of bringing her around to the dork side eventually, but I am well aware that it will be a tough tree to climb.

    Rauthiks last blog post..Session 9

  23. My fiancée DMs the longest-running D&D campaign in our group, and she’s always picking up new 3.x or WoD books. We game heavily together, and I’m the sole reason she started roleplaying in the first place.

    I claim the blame for corrupting her. =P

    Ben Overmyers last blog post..The Nature of Role-playing

  24. I’ve been dating my Spanish Ninja Bodyguard for over two years now. We met here in college at a d20 Modern game, and have played a few games together that have aborted for silly-DM reasons that have nothing to do with our being together. We have far more in common than our gaming though, and are actually doing research for the same grant (though different labs.) I think it works out just fine, honestly, but I’m pretty clearly biased.

  25. I ran a one-session module for some girls in high school in 1982. This was a ground-breaking thing at the time. Turns out, one of them had showed up because she was interested in me (she admitted to being curious about the game as well.) We got married in 1989. She’s played in my DnD groups ever since. No real problems other than the occasional complaint about my prep work interfering with my ability to get to all the chores on the “honey-do” list.

  26. My wife started playing in games with me after we got married. It took her a bit to actually play, but once she tried it she was hooked. She prefers to keep it simple and just “beat it with a stick”. But 4E’s gotten her thinking along different lines.

    Also, after 5 years of insisting that MMO’s are not as hard as they look, she decided to try AOC (and then WAR). Now she plays more then I ever did.

    All in all… never had a problem. Once the game is on, all bets are off and it’s time to kick back and enjoy ourselves.

  27. My wife of four years has one foot in on the tabletop RPGs and one foot in on the MMO side; certainly a gamer friendly wife, and she plays… if she has an interest in the game. One to two nights a week are game nights for me and she’s there if she’s interested in the game or doing her own thing if she isn’t. I couldn’t ask for more.

    Plotters last blog post..The Halls of Rorni’s Creek

  29. I’ve never had a girlfriend that was ever interested in tabletop gaming. I have had a couple, including my wife, that would LARP. For me it was easy to keep the two separate and I actually prefer it that way. Though I have never really seen any issues with others from my group(s) ho did tabletop with their girlfriend’s. No one was ever expected o treat anyone any differently.

    My wife and I have been married for 8 years, together for 10. She doe not like RPG’s, computer games, or anything else of that nature. I did get her to go out and LARP, but she would not do combat it was RP only. So we made her a NPC and she was the light fey queen. She also played the dark fey queen because they were twins…(Actually they were the same person with split personalities. The dark fey queen id would be present fall/winter, light fey id would be present spring/summer.)

    Our wedding was a goth/medieval/fantasy style. We love going to ren fairs, but do not dress up anymore. She loves fantasy fiction and movies but she has ever been able to get into the gaming side which is fine. At least I can get together with my friends every other week and play for a few hours on a Friday night.

    I like being able to just hang out with my friends and not have to worry about what the wife thinks or if she is bored and wants to go.

  30. I game with my wife– board and roleplaying games both. Amusingly, she’s the most hack and slash of the players in our group– she has no patience with talking and arranging alliances.

    Even more strangely, I still game with my Dad. He still comes over to throw the dice; he been a part of well over half of the groups I roleplay with in adulthood.

    We’re happy gamers and there’s really no concern about favoritism… if only because my wife and Dad are eager to turn their barbs on each other and everyone else is happier out of the line of fire!

  31. My ex-wife felt that she should not be involved in my hobbies. D&D was my “space.” She did offer to organize my folders of gaming papers, but that proved to be too difficult a task for even two people.

    My current girlfriend has tried gaming. She’s a very good solo roleplayer, but gets bored playing in a group.

    Scott Caspers last blog post..EPA Report

  32. My first wife was a gamer. She played in a number of my campaigns. It did complicate things on occasion. Once separated we ceased to game together.

    My wife has played in a few games. But she isn’t by any stretch a gamer. She does support my hobby and lets me buy gaming books on a regular basis. The one thing she took away from playing D&d was the phrase “fiendish octopus”. Saying it just cracks her up.

  33. My partner tried it with a (non-gamer) friend briefly in Australia before heading to Japan, and picked it up over skype for about a year in Japan, but she has never really been much into it. The skype group went on hiatus for a while and she decided not to go back.

    She doesn’t play computer games either, generally she’s not very nerdy. But she’s extremely comfortable with me doing these things, no problems at all. In fact sometimes she encourages me to play computer games so she can get me out of her hair.

    I’ve had players and DMs whose partners were jealous of their gaming, and I think it’s nasty. Generally it’s just a straight-out case of being manipulative, just like the girlfriend who can’t handle you going out drinking with friends she doesn’t know. You have to have your own thing!

    Thanks to some of the above commenters for gaming links (e.g. that ICE game), I’m going to check them out now.

    flashhearts last blog post..Compromise and Conceit Session 2: Ambush at Wood Creek

  34. When I met my SO, after a string of dating non-gamer Hot Chix With No Brains, I made a list of who I would date next. It included 1) read Lord of the Rings 2) Either played RPGs or be willing to. Marmy proved to be a LOTR scholar and jumped at the chance for me to teach her D&D. Over the years we have had college groups, small groups of friends but in the last decade its been pretty spartan so we have resorted to solo gaming, her DMing me or (usually) me DMing her. Just recently she has been running me through a modified Keep on the Shadowfell as we learn 4E. I am eager to see if 4E can be made into traditional Solo D&D but its been challenging so far.

    I love her imagination, as she is a voracious reader, and her back stories are just juicy as hell. She is not about crunch at all, which is fine by me as i will handle the rules if need be, but is fantastic about character building and storytelling. I have been blessed 🙂

  36. My girlfriend is a Final Fantasy fangirl, woe is me. Strictly into videogames. She never played a tabletop game; she watched once, and was mildly interested. I’m no converter though, the group is large enough as it is…

    I had two couples in my group before, they did great… Explaining rules to eachother and what not. One couple had a fight at the table once though, which obviously was based on something else and very insignificant (I think it was about groceries). The rest of the group (including me) solved it by drinking heavily and snickering awkwardly at the whole situation.

  38. Within my group, most of our partners are pretty damn geeky (not at all like us, of course…), and as a result are pretty RPG-friendly.

    They don’t tend to mind things like us taking over their lounge for an evening, or – in one case – her fiance driving 150 miles* so he can still attend our games.

    We did have one girlfriend of a group member who played with us for a bit, but it didn’t work out. I’m not sure if that was just personality differences, or if it had more to do with the fact that roleplaying is one of the activities we do as a group of *friends*, rather than something we do as couples (i.e. with wives & girlfriends etc.) – it may have been that crossover that caused the problem more than anything else.

    –
    *that probably doesn’t seem all that far to North Americans, but it’s an UNIMAGINABLE distance to English people.

  40. Felt the need to add my experience to the cauldron:

    I started gaming because of my boyfriend. I’d had the books for a while, as well as the starter kit, a munchkin set, a bag of Dragon Dice etc but had no one around me who wanted to play them. I’d tried running the starter kit for a group of mates from an ex shortly before we broke up. When I started dating my current bofriend I was overjoyed to find out he was an experienced GM and player of D&D 3.5. I think he was slightly shocked but no less pleased to find out I was really interested in playing.

    My first experience was during a holiday in Scotland – we had no books with us but his knowledge of the rules got us through a rough character creation and a short freeformish session. After this I tried several new systems with him and his flatmate (the two made a small gaming group).

    While I still love D&D 3.5 (and indeed currently play in one of his campaigns) I have taken a shine to NWOD. While he doesn’t much like STing that for his own reasons, he is more than happy to be a player in a Hunter: The Vigil chronicle. In fact he encouraged me to DM my own game when Hunter came out because I was pinning after it so much and writing down so many ideas.

    As for problems, I don’t believe we have come across many, maybe my initial inexperience vs the flatmate and his good few years worth of experience. The only hitch I’ve seen was during the current campaign: I REALLY like dragons (who doesn’t 🙂 ) and he said he’d allow me to play my ever present dragon-half (ECL was WAY above the other characters). I’m not sure what the other players thought of this and if any disagreed they haven’t said anything, but sometimes I feel like it was favouritism on his part. On the other hand it hasn’t affected actual play sessions and the group seemed more than happy to take advantage of the perfect flier with ice breath ^^

    That’s about 5-6 years worth of gaming history in just a few paragraphs. Oh and to the reader who proposed to his SO over the gaming table – PERFECT!

  42. My boyfriend is a gamer and is the one who inspired me to give RPGs a try. (I’ve dated gamers before but wasn’t really interested, or it was a “Guy’s Night Out” thing.)

    We’re in a long-distance relationship, so we only get to game together if we’re visiting each other. His group makes a cameo-appearance PC for me, mine make a cameo-appearance PC for him.

    We’re actually working on writing an adventure module together. We have it set up on Google so we can both edit the documents and everything. It’ll be pretty cool when we finish it. 🙂

    Geek’s Dream Girls last blog post..The Virgin DM Monologues: Thoughts After the First Game

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