Cry Crunch and lets slit the Fluff off War!

I see that after a bit less than 24 hours of polling, my pain-med induced Overlord Crunch of Madness posts aren’t that popular. I still need to see this one to the end though.

I’m therefore giving this post a double mandate: Finish off what I started against my Nemesis and giving you a few examples of what DMs shouldn’t allow in their D&D games.

As an added bonus, I’m giving extra ammunition to the ‘I hate D&D 3.x crowd’… Hey don’t say I don’t try to cater to all needs!

Ahhh, all is nearing completion. My revenge will be as sweet as it will be swift. Like any self-respecting, Power-Mad, Tyranical Megalomaniac, I chose to ignore the much too sensible (and overly fluffy) obligatory Evil Overlord checklist. I’d much rather plan a counterattack in haste, flaunting any and all weak concepts like ‘Reason’, ‘logic’ and ‘good taste’.

My minions have worked well. My newest attack force has been assembled and we are ready to strike. I’ve amassed the following troops for an all-out assault of The Fluff Master’s abode in Dreary Seattle:

To batter Wolfgang’s walls of Plots and Campaign Backgrounds I have the following:

Artillery: Half ogre, level 5 barbarian, Level 10 Warhulk (Prestige Class, Miniatures Handbook), Level 3 Hulking Hurler (Prestige Class, Complete Warrior).

He has a Str score of 52 and throws lead spheres that are about 9 feet in diameter and deal, on average 4700 points of damage

(See here for breakdown of stats):

Not bad for starters.

Aside from the voice of reason:
Shhh, don’t tell Mr. Crazy I’m here to talk some sense. The character concepts brought into this post are the living proof that you can’t, as a DM, allow all Sourcebooks without carefully reading them and choosing what fits in your campaign. Left to their own devices, players of the ‘Power Gamer’ type may sieve a whole library of rulebooks for the most broken character options possible.

They will argue that ‘it’s in the rules’. You have to involve the Rule Zero of all Role Playing Games, the DM can disallow any or all rules he/she deems incompatible with the type of game he/she plans and/or can reduce the overall level of fun of the gaming group.

Hmm? What was that? Did I hear something? No? Nevemind then, shall we continue?

The Distraction
Thanks to both the Multi-headed Template of Savage Species and the great work of one Robert Wiese, the Crunch Lords that work for the Mages by the Sea, we have the perfect Battering Ram to Storm the Monkey King’s Gates of Adventure Hooks and Interesting NPCs:

The 30-headed Tarasque!

I hope your door is locked Mr. Baum! Mwa HA HA HA HA!!!!!

It’s a shame that the Tarasque is a Unique creature, I’d used at least a Dozen!

Air Assault (Thanks to readers Ve4grm and John):

To attack from the air, keep Wolfgang’s Electrofluff Cannons busy and use all these unsold Colossal Red Dragon figurines, I give you a flight of:

Colossal Red Great Wyrm Dragons (100)
HD 95d12+3515 (4132 hp each)
Speed 40′ fly 200′ (average)
AC 96 (+94 natural, -8 size) Touch 2, Flat 96
(AC 191 with Improved Combat Expertise, Touch 97, Flat 191)

STR 105 (+47) DEX 10(+0), CON 84(+37), INT 43(+16) WIS 44(+17) CHA 42 (+16)
FORT 86, REF 49, WILL 66
BAB 95, Grapple 158
SR 68
DR20/magic
Frightful Presence Will Save 73
“• Immunity to Fire, vulnerability to Cold”
“• Locate Object (SP) 30/day”
“• Suggestion (SP) 3/day”
“• Find the Path (SP) 1/day”
“• Discern Location (SP) 1/day”
“• Caster Level 55 (w/ all cleric spells and the Chaos, Evil, and Fire domains)”

Attack Bite +142 (4d8+47) [+47 (4d8+47) Imp. Expertise]

Full Attack:
Bite +142 (4d8+47), 2 Claws +140 (4d6+23), 2 Wings +140 (2d8+23), and Tail Slap +140 (4d6+70), 2 Claws +135 (4d6+23), 2 Claws +130 (4d6+23), 2 Claws +125 (4d6+23), 2 Claws +120 (4d6+23), 2 Claws +115 (4d6+23)

Breath Weapon 70′ Cone of Fire 60d10 Ref 94 1d4-1 rounds to rebreath. And it’s a Tornado… 🙂

With all Breath Feats…(the Tactical Nuke option)
1d4+12 rounds to rebreath
Free action, 210′ radius spread from your head, 600 points, plus 300 points during second round, and half damage on 2nd round to those who took damage on the 1st round.

Feats: (Sorry John, most of these feats aren’t Open Content so I removed the descriptions. But look here for descriptions and references)
Improved Flight, Improved Maneuverability, Hover, Wingover, Adroit Flyby Attack, Power Climb, Power Dive Make, Combat Expertise, Improved Combat Expertise, Improved Disarm, Sunder, Power Attack, Multi-Attack, Rapidstrike, Improved Rapidstrike, Shock Wave, Snatch, Improved Snatch, Snatch and Swallow, Multisnatch , Draconic Knowledge, Clinging Breath, Lingering Breath, Enlarge Breath, Heighten Breath , Maximize Breath, Quicken Breath ,Recover Breath , Shape Breath Change, Spreading Breath Change, Extend Spreading Breath, Tempest Breath

Skills
Appraise 111, Balance 2, Bluff 111, Climb 94.5,Concentration 132, Craft () 16, Decipher Script 16, Diplomacy 115, Disable Device 63.5, Disguise 18, Forgery 16, Gather Information 63.5, Handle Animal 16, Heal 17, Hide 0, Intimidate 113, Jump 144, Knowledge (Arcana) 111, Knowledge (Arch & Eng) 111, Knowledge (Dungeoneering) 111, Knowledge (Religion) 111, Knowledge (The Planes) 111, Listen 112, Move Silently 47.5, Open Lock 47.5,Perform () 16, Profession 17, Search 113, Sense Motive 112, Sleight of Hand 2, Speak Language 20, Spellcraft 65.5, Spot 112
Survival 19, Swim 60, Tumble 49.5, Use Magic Device 16

Aside from the voice of reason:
For those whose eyes glazed over after 4 lines, try S. John Ross’ Risus it’s much simpler. Building Stat blocs in D&D 3.x can be a nightmare, especially at high levels. This extreme example (that I will never repeat I promise!) is just to show you how much work that can be. From a Quick guesstimate the stats’ creator had to pick from at least 3 or 4 rulebooks and calculate a very large number of variables that most likely would not come into play. One of the promises of 4th Edition is to have monster creation rules that fit with the game’s mechanics but are much easier to design than Monster-as-characters.

That buzzing noise again! Could it be my conscience? I sure I had that lobotomized ages ago!

Now, to ride these fine steeds, I need a force of Minions that will will strike at the heart of that Kobold-loving weaver of lies and deceitful narrative. I give you:

Pun-Pun, the Omnipotent CR 24000+ Kobold!

From his creator’s Notes:
Pun Pun was a character build designed and tweaked by the Character Optimization forums that, upon reaching level 6, had the ability to give itself any class ability/feat, and the power to increase any of it’s scores to infinite. He has since then been tweaked down to level 3, then level 1. I believe he now stands as a concept of infinity in Dungeons & Dragons, it’s rules design, and the crowning mark of the CharOps forum.

Pun-Pun is a thought experiment that uses the Manipulate form ability of the Sarrukh to full effect. He is for all intents and purposes omnipotent.

Pun-Pun is one of the proofs that any system with sufficient rules will lead to inconsistencies.

Ah! This is sweet, sweet music to a Crunch Overlord’s ears and his Power Gaming lieutenants!

Aside from the voice of reason: If your DM allows you to build such a character, destroy his world, then give him your character sheet, tell him ‘that was fun!’ and ask him when you can start a new one. Chances are he’ll be more careful about Sourcebooks next time. Yes, I’m being slightly sarcastic here.

The Secret Weapon
But this is not all! I have one last trick up my sleeve. One that I will unleash while Mr. Baur tries to ‘story’ himself out of this crunchy onslaught, like returning my forces against me or something. One that was lovingly crafted in the crucible of another gaming group. I will spare you the stats and will for once, use my own enemy’s weapon against him. While he’s busy fighting my lovingly crafted monsters, deep under his abode comes this in all it’s fluffy goodness (Thanks to the guys of the very aptly named Critical-Hits).

Aside from the voice of reason: Now that one should be fair game, however strange that may be.

So the gauntlet has once again been thrown dear Monkey King. My loyal troops are on their way and I’ll come by later to gloat over the ruins of your Lair. I shall rule the world of Fluff by next Monday!!!!!

Mwa HA HA HA HA!!!!!

---

Thus networking conferences are a need of today. Thanks to 70-646 and 642-446 professionals, we have such options available. After 642-426, majority can tackle the networking, however it is better if 642-426 is followed by other courses.