Romantic Computers Cannot Cry

I’ll start off with an apology for not having a comic or any kind of new drawing for this week, it’s been an off week in general. I will, however, dazzle you with an amazing (and true) proverb!

Pretty much all online sites with comments get innundated with spam, and we are no exception. Thankfully the Game is most gracious and deals with all of that without complaint or hesitation, deleting tons of rogue comments from online casino sites and various other ad companies every day. Most sites have moderation or just a trash bin that these comments are thrown into, but we here at Critical Hits subscribe to some newfangled green thinking!

We are fortunate enough to have our very own Journalistic Guinea Pigs (of Justice) who we can feed these spam comments to. Their vast and intricate media digestive systems process this spam, and over a painstaking process that takes a thousand milliseconds, they change the spam into what we call “creative output” (poop). Thus, with this process, we are saving the environment by turning otherwise harmful spam into quintissentially useful crap. Rest assured, dear readers, that they remain cute and cuddly all through the task, in fact their inherent cuteness increases output and efficiency in one fel swoop, don’t ask me how it just does.

Now, on a normal day, I let all of this run its course undisturbed, by yesterday I decided to temp the fates and take a peek into the Warehouse of de-Spamification. What I saw was tons of the typically clever messages, “Great post!” “This is interesting…can you tell more?” “I love this!” All posted by monikers such as greatest_casino_poop@clownpenis.fart. Everything was status quo really, until I noticed one of the comments did not fit with the others:

All the darkness in the world cannot put out the smallest candle. The darker it is, more brightly shines the candle. instead of complaining about the dark search for your candle. Believe me; It exists.

If that isn’t the chinese fortune cookie of spam comments, then I don’t know what is. Perhaps the bots at the random online casino marketing offices feel we are too depressed here, so consumed in our self-loathing that we are in dire need of random pick-me-up commenting. I don’t know about anyone else, but I am greatful for this! Finally the faceless corporate money scams are looking out for the well being of the common person!

Wait a minute, I thought as I noticed something odd, it was a comment for a review posted back on November 6th of last year! They don’t care about us at all, otherwise they would have enlightened us far sooner! DAMN YOU SPAM BOTS! Unfortunately, obscenely large and mechanical gears were put into motion and the JGP (pictured) could not be stopped in their rigorous chomping of unwanted commenting, and this chinese nugget of wisdom or prophecy was lost to the world forever.

All that is needed is a flashlight, after all.