The Politicians Have Eyes

There is a Gamespot news article detailing Joe Lieberman and Hillary Clinton’s latest attempts to stab at the heart of the evil, youth-eroding industry that is Video Games. For a long time they have been set on finding some way to legally prohibit the distribution, if not the very creation, of violent video games in many glorious attempts to save our children and usher in a new era of love and world peace. This newest effort has them successfully petitioning the Center for Disease Control to perform extensive studies on the effects of using electronic media. This is the ‘PC’ way of saying, “Save our pitiful American youths from mentally scarring themselves for life by using a mouse and keyboard to shoot people that aren’t real, don’t die, and in no way, shape, or form feel any sort of pain or sadness whatsoever over what has just happened to them.” I doubt that, in real life, if you were to shoot someone in the face from 30 ft. away they would immediately shout “OMFG HAX0RZ!!11”, and in my view that puts the score at:

Life – 1

Games – 0

Perhaps this is the essence of their argument, though, that videogames are teaching our children that killing people is okay, that they –will- feel no pain, and in fact, they will think of you as a hax0rz when you shoot them in the face. I can see this point, in a science lab where children are raised in sterile rooms with no light, water, food, television, or anything except for Counterstrike, this would obviously be the case. The kids without counterstrike would be less likely to pwn noobs in the face, but these results could also be chalked up to trained hand-eye coordination. The fact of the matter is that Joe Lieberman and Hillary Clinton probably haven’t even paid for sex within 20 ft. of a pac-man machine, much less touched the machine, turned it on, or even attempted to “port fuck” it. (the natural conclusion to touching and turning on, of course)

These people are targeting Video Games as a scapegoat, or out of some sick need for revenge, and everyone who has a brain knows it. They are proposing a study, by the CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, to study how videogames affect children. It’s not like AIDS exists anymore, we got rid of that when we legalized gay marriage for 3 days, and forget Cancer, that’s caused by playing too many games published by Blizzard. Oh, and if you put your testicles on top of a running laptop for 3,000 hours straight, your babies will be cyborgs!

I am an avid video game player, and I am also an enthusiastic Comic book aficionado, so I’m well aware of where this is going. Everyone knows that comic books stood the trial of accusations, when parents and teachers considered children reading comics to be hurting themselves. Now it has blossomed, or kind of pollinated a little, into a respected and growing art form, although it never fully escaped the stigma of being a childish book of “cartoons”. I doubt Hillary and Joe read comic books.

As I was reading the Gamespot article I became consumed with dork-addled rage. All of this effort is being put toward discovering the influence and affects of violent videogames on children, and if these encourage or relate to youth violence. My eyes begin to sear with utter rage as I glance to the right margin of the webpage and see an internet advertisement for the movie “The Hills have Eyes”, with the tag-line: “The Lucky Ones Die First.”

…

I’ve shot someone in the face, with a 45lb. fully automatic machine gun, while jumping, through a wall, and never thought twice about it; yet when a preview for the movie Hostel would come on television I would quickly divert myself by imaging Abraham Lincoln performing “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”, and no he’s not alive, it’s a zombie Lincoln, risen from his grave to pleasure me. The Lucky Ones Die First! Maybe the troves of filth that our entire society and culture lathers upon “unsuspecting” youths is responsible for violence among children, for the love of Christ all that Doom teaches children is that if you get trapped in a weird space station with a bunch of mutant/devil/freak monsters you shouldn’t try to be friends, you should grab a Big Fucking Gun and shoot every last mother fucker in the room. The Hills have Eyes teaches our children that the government creates families who like to torture, abuse, and brutally murder tourists, that same goes for the lump of dung that is Hostel.

The only thing that inspires me to violence is people like Joe Lieberman and Hillary Clinton, people who can’t acknowledge that our children are being messed up in ways far beyond what video games they play, or music they listen to, and that if I don’t get to shoot people in a videogame I am 93% more likely to get a gun and do it in real life.

Ed. – As much as I might ululate about a narrowminded study of violent videogames with an ulterior motive, I must add that I very much support the use of a game rating system, and even the harsher regulation of videogames sales to minors, most of which has come directly from Lieberman and Clinton. The problem still remains that many parents are morons and will let their children buy or play whatever they like no matter the content. So some good has come from them, surprisingly.