A highly thematic game

World of Warcraft: The Board Game will be released soon, followed by the World of Warcraft Collectible Card Game. We already had a Warcraft board game and rpg, but apparently the universe changed dramatically after Warcraft 3, as a new fad swept through the citizens of the two continents: standing around and giving quests.

Here’s some rules you can expect to see in the World of Warcraft Board Game.

-Every third game will have a random Chinese man playing in it. He won’t be able to communicate with you, nor will he try to win, but he will be trying to amass gold. It will be frustrating to play against him, but you can’t get too mad because he’s earning 3 cents an hour and has to feed his family with it.

-A random roll is made every round. If you roll poorly, you are injected with a sedative and will play very very slowly for a random amount of time. If you roll a critical failure, you may even have to leave the room for a while. (Stay tuned for The O’s upcoming article on “Life-Lag”)

-You may forfeit your turn if you speak complete sentences. Protocal will be everything, so be sure you’re not caught saying “I want to sell…” when you should be saying “Double-U Tee Ess…”

-The game has no definite end, but you have to keep playing until you hit level 60. This doesn’t end the game, but gives you the right to shout “I pwned you noobs!”

-Fantasy Flight Games has pioneered a new pricing structure to board games: you pay money up front, and you also have to send them a check every month, or else someone comes to your house and takes it away. On the other hand, they do put new pieces and rules in an envelope and mail them to you every few months.

-You are not allowed to order pizza while playing. You have to play the Everquest board game for that.

-The game comes with three variants. The first variant gives you points for killing monsters and completing quests. The second variant gives you more points for killing monsters. The third variant gives you points for killing monsters and other players.

-The rules that are included with the game are dense and difficult to understand, but you can get rules for free from boardgamegeek.com to make the game understandable. (Fantasy Flight Games does not condone this)

-Cheating, obviously, is not allowed. And if one of the other players accuses you of cheating, they have the right to look through all your credit card and bank statements, and take $20 from wherever they choose.

-Anyone yelling “LLLEEEEERRRROOOOYYYY JENKINS!” gets a +2 to hit.