We make tons of money through this blog, I’m not even kidding, we’re filthy stinking rich. You know what? You should be too! It’s actually ridiculously easy to make money online, and as of today we’re one step closer to making even MORE money online, and we’re sharing it with you!
The Top 3 Ways to Make Money Online
#1 – Whore yourself out at every opportunity, if you look at your own site and see any white space then you’re clearly doing something wrong. That’s valuable real estate which could be used for advertising. I’m not talking about promoting things you care about or your friend’s websites, that’s a surefire recipe for failure. What you need to do is spam adds all over the damn place, you’ve got banner space on your page for a reason so USE IT! Right in the middle of a post? SURE! Hell why are you even writing posts anymore, just update your site with a new ad every day and people will love it! Who wouldn’t want to know your most up-to-date suggestion on the best deals around the internet for refinancing their mortgage or getting a sweet deal on magazine subscriptions?
#2 – Put everything in a list format, people love this shit. Top 5, 10, or 20 lists are the bomb and you know it. What more efficient way could there be for presenting content and information to people at the speed necessary to whore yourself out as in step #1? Still have your MLA handbook from back in middleschool english? Throw it out! You won’t be needing any of that grammar or paragraph BS when you make every post a list. They work best when there’s no priority between the things you’re listing by number, that really tells people, “I know what I’m doing and you should listen!”
#3 – Start a blog about Making Money Online and SEO. SEO stands for Search Engine Optimization and is the practice of enhancing your website for optimum efficiency so that when Google pays its weekly visit to rape your website, you make sure that your blog leaves the door unlocked and already has its clothes off. The practice typically involved the use of certain keywords that could quickly and easily get your site to the top of search engines for maximum exposure, but these days the best way to improve your site’s traffic/marketing/SEO is to write about how to improve a site’s marketing and SEO! So get out there and start your own Making Money/SEO blog, you budding internet mogul you! Your golden chalice and Maserati await!
Bonus Tip – If you can take a handful of your blog posts, preferably a mix of about 20% good ones and 80% utter crap, combine them into a pdf with some clip art sprinkled throughout it makes the perfect e-book for your readers to buy! Not sure how to do this? Just send me $15 via paypal and you can have your own copy of “Bartoneus’ Guide to Writing Books about Making Money to Sell to People Who Want to Write Books about Making Money.”