Critical Hits

The Journal of Gamer Culture

Do As I Say, Not As I Did

In a previous column concerning designing and redesigning, I promised that I would examine adventures and encounters where I created something less than perfect, and then describe how I would redesign them to make them better. Let the self-flagellation begin!

Sometimes Making Players Cry is Not the Design Goal

The first work I want to look at is one that became infamous in WotC’s Living Forgotten Realms campaign. One of my first columns for this fine gaming site talked about a player who said that I should throw myself under a bus. Well, this is the adventure that prompted those kind words.

While I do not want to defend myself or give justification for my design, I must provide a little background.  The adventure in question is called “Zhent’s Ancient Shadows,” and it was co-written by Sean Molley and me for characters levels 7-10.  Let it be known now, in no uncertain terms, that Sean Molley is a great adventure designer and an even better person. Everything wrong with this adventure was my doing: the encounters that he wrote were well-loved and much-lauded. Mine, not so much. [Read the rest of this article]

[Leave a Comment]

Chatty Plays, Part 1: Burning Wheel, Getting into the Game

The Background

The Burning Wheel is a fantasy roleplaying game that was published about 10 years ago by then unknown author/designer Luke Crane. In 2003, with a bit of guts, luck and the help of others, he got his scrappy little game in the hands of one Kenneth Hite and ended up getting Burning Wheel named  ’best game of 2003′ .

Fast forward to 2008, I heard of lots of buzz for a game called Mouse Guard generated by fellow bloggers and I got curious.  I knew it was based on another game called the Burning Wheel, a game I’d heard of but had, until then, dismissed as “one of those story games with no substance” (yes, I was a pretentious idiot then… I’m less of an idiot now).

I purchased Mouse Guard at Gen Con 2009 and was immediately swept by the stellar writing, conversational tone and the sheer genius of the intricate yet elegant mechanics that made up the game.  However, as much as I liked reading it, I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around how to actually play the game.

Then, during the fall of 2009, I was invited to a local Montreal gaming con, sharing guest status with some East Coast Indie designers. That’s where I more of less gracefully introduced myself to Luke, a story I immortalized here.

As I mastered that game about heroic mice, I became curious about Burning Wheel.  It seemed to offer a complex yet highly emotional thrill ride for all players involved with a game session. I had to try it and evaluate if my players would be likely candidates for it.

Hook, Line and sinker

I met Luke again at Pax East 2010 and he was generous enough to offer my friends and I a very dynamic demo of ‘The Sword”, the quintessential one-shot Burning Wheel demo adventure.  I loved every second of it, so did my friends.  The game made its way on my ‘must play again” list.

My invitation at Burning Con a few weeks back and the 2 excellent scenarios I got to play in managed to sell  me body and soul to the game system. I bought several copies of the core books and one set of everything else named “Burner” .

I had but one hurdle…

…could I convince my Friday-Night-tired friends to adopt the game?  Like D&D’s last 2 incarnations, Burning Wheel resides on a handful of simple, core rules.  They are however supplemented by a vast array of options that make the game much richer, yet more complex to play.

So what is Burning Wheel?

The Burning Wheel is a fantasy RPG that  enables play in worlds that are equivalent (both  technologically and socially) to 13th Century Western Europe/Middle East  and 12th Century China. While there is no set world or gazetteer-like descriptions of kingdoms and city-states, there is an implied setting in the form of the races available for play, the various lifepaths you choose while “burning” (i.e. creating) your characters and the available gear you must choose from.

The game is driven by dice pool task resolutions where you roll a bunch of D6 (based on skills/abilities and helped by dice lent by others) to achieve a certain number of successes per roll. For example, To lift a portcullis, you may need to roll 6d and have at least 4 of them come up with a result of 4+ to succeed.

Combat can be very detailed and entails a complex combination of opposed rolls for positioning, a series of ‘rock-paper-scissors’-like exchanges to simulate blows, pushes, charges, dodges, feints, etc.  Then any landed blow needs to land on a specific body area, possibly warded off by armour and the gravity of any wounds inflicted is then figured out.

Three  elements make the game completely different from others I’ve seen before (Mouse Guard excepted, of course):

  • The game has a mechanic to play out Duel of Wits (arguments) with binding results (you lose an argument, the whole party goes with the winner’s point of view or compromise)
  • Each PCs have sets of player-chosen belief and instincts that guide  how they act and react in the story
  • Players get rewards in the form of 3 types of action points for playing in line with their beliefs and instincts

I could write a lot more about it, and I plan to write an actual review of it soon (although the game is 10 years old, you can Google a ton of them I’m sure).  I just wanted to give a rapid overview.  Needless to say, a lot of dice are thrown, emotions run high, and things often go in unexpected places.

The Sword, Chatty DM Style:

So as I was preparing for last Friday’s game, my 3rd as a player and 1st as a GM, I decided upon running The Sword, the simplest adventure to run.  You can find it here.  Its premise is dead simple: Four  adventurers explore a  dungeon and the only treasure they find  is this one Magic Sword.  The situation is “who gets the sword” and the complication is that all the PCs have conflicting beliefs and instincts about said sword.

While reading the scenario over, I had a few challenges.  First I had 5 players where the scenario called for 4.  Secondly I had my friend Yan who had played the adventure before at Pax East. While the Sword is endlessly re-playable, I know Yan prefers new experiences whenever he invests his free time in something .

To resolve this, I used one suggestion from the scenario and I offered Yan the possibility of playing a guardian monster, he accepted.  Asking around on the Burning Wheel forums (whose users were very helpful), I was informed of the likely pitfalls (ex: 4 on one ganking up on the monster) and was given tips on how to pull it off.

Using the game’s Monster book (The Monster Burner), I made Yan an Ophidian Hunter (A snake woman, like a Lamia Noble in D&D) and rearranged all the  PC’s beliefs to fit her presence in the dungeon and  heavily favoured a likely 3 vs 2 split between PCs.  Her main beliefs were that the sword belonged to the Ophidians because it had been made with scales from a Brood-mother, murdered at the hands of the sword-maker (another PC’s father).  She also needed to lie in wait until she thwarted an attamept at taking the sword before taking it for herself (explaining her guardian role).

And thus was Mah Dusah, Sister of the Second Scale created.

I was ready to introduce my players to the scenario…

Up next: My players go all Canadians on the scenario…

[Leave a Comment]

Critical Bits for the week ending 2010-11-14

[Leave a Comment]

Introducing: Roll, the Critical Hits Tumblog

Hopefully you know us by now, and know some of the people behind it. We’ve been posting for nearly 5 years now, and have refined our posting style into the “Magazine”-type blog you see today. We hold ourselves to a high standard of posts and journalistic standards.

However…

Sometimes we want to toss out a quick idea. Sometimes we want to post pictures from our home games. Sometimes, we don’t have enough to say about a product to warrant a full, multi-paragraph review. Sometimes, we have something to say that’s more than 140 charactersbut fewer than 3 paragraphs. Sometimes, we want to write lazy posts. That’s where the Roll! blog comes in. And it’s also where YOU come in. [Read the rest of this article]

[Leave a Comment]

How to Read Minds: Body Language at the Gaming Table

Body language at the gaming table: pizza!

This is a guest article from Yacine “Yax” Merzouk and Kyle Ferrin. Yax runs a storytelling project called Minstrel and co-founded Gamer Lifestyle, a site for gamer-entrepreneurs. Kyle is an illustrator who loves role playing games. He likes drawing commissions for people, and running his webcomic “XP” You can follow/contact Kyle on Twitter: @d20plusmodifier.

Did you ever meet someone whose stories always fizzle without much of a punch? Me too. The issue with their stories isn’t necessarily the content; some other guy or gal might tell the same stories with everyone around them hanging on their every word.

For game masters, the how of storytelling is at least as important as the what of the story. In other words, how you behave and react at the gaming table leverages the time and effort you invested in preparing your campaign.

A Player’s Body Language at the Gaming Table

Body language at the gaming table: slouching!

One way to monitor the intensity of the game and the enjoyment of your players is to pay attention to body language – yours and theirs. There are so many things going on during a typical social interaction. There’s even more happening on game night. Thankfully, we all pick up on some body language cues subconsciously. The objective here is to bring this information to a conscious level and be aware of most ebbs and flows of energy during a game session. Engage tired players before they check out mentally and you can turn a good game into a great one. Notice that player leaning back after leaning forward for the whole game? You just hit a dip in the story or your storytelling; take a break or crank up the action. These are examples of how you can improve storytelling by being aware of what’s going on at the game table.

Head Position

A player with his head down is possibly disconnected from the game. Involve that player’s character as soon as possible – let them find the next clue, notice something unusual, be the recipient of an unexpected or mysterious buff effect, anything.

A cocked head probably means you are not making sense or that your plot just got so complex that some neurons went harakiri. If it’s the former, take a moment to make sure everyone’s on the same page. If it’s the latter, well, good for you!

Arms

Crossed arms are the worst – it’s almost always a sign that you’re being blocked off and that the player is dissatisfied or disengaged. This is another situation in which you want to throw that player’s character in the thick of things and try to establish a connection with the player. It could also mean that it’s cold, in which case, crank up the thermostat, you cheap bastard!

Angles

Are your players facing you or are they at least slightly tilted in your direction? Yes? Good! It means they are into the game and are likely to be receptive to what you have to say. The knights of the round table got this one right.

Body language at the gaming table: stacking dice!Fidgeting with dice

The sound of dice being thrown, spun, or shaken repeatedly for no good reason chills my blood. It would be easy to blame the players for their ADD but there are more productive ways to make it stop. Take a break or throw a wrench in the current scene. Let the villain make an appearance. Start a fight. Anything. And remember: when in doubt, kill someone; if there’s no expendable character around, maul someone and let the cleric clean up the mess.

Legs

Crossed legs, just like crossed arms, could mean you’re being shut out. However, be aware that women and Mediterranean men often cross their legs just for the heck of it.

Feet tapping on the floor are often a sign that a player is getting impatient. Time to focus on what the players and their characters are after and go straight for the jugular. Enough foreplay, it’s time for action. And make sure you’re tightening up the combat turns too. Force the characters to either defend or make a basic/boring attack if they don’t know what they’re doing in combat are are taking too much time. Enough hesitation and flip-flopping; we have a world to save!

Body language at the gaming table: lean backLean back

It’s cool when Fat Joe sings it. It’s less cool when your players do it. Ideally, you want all your players leaning forward, on the edge of their seat. If they are leaning back, it could mean that they are only mildly engaged in the game.

Slouching is the ugly cousin of leaning back. It has no place at the gaming table. You have to seriously consider taking a break and asking the culprit to shotgun a couple of Red Bulls.

Changes

Body language isn’t an exact science so keep these 2 things in mind:

  • changes in a player’s usual body language mean more than the actual body language
  • multiple negative hints are more likely to be meaningful than a single one.

A GM’s Body Language at the Gaming Table

Now that you pick up more cues from your players, time to send cues their way.

Eye contactEye Contact

As a GM and storyteller, it is your duty to make eye contact with everyone regularly. It’s easy and it keeps all players involved. I’m sure you’ve had a GM in your life who kept looking at a single player even when he addressed everyone. Not fun. It’s a basic public speaking skill and it makes a hug difference.

Voice

When giving information, end your sentences on a low tone – it shows authority and makes the information you just handed out weightier. When speculating and asking question, end your sentences on a higher tone.

Mirroring

Mirroring is the behaviour in which one person copies another person usually while in social interaction with them. It may include miming gestures, movements, body language, muscle tensions, expressions, tones, eye movements, breathing, tempo, accent, attitude, choice of words/metaphors and other aspects of communication. It is often observed among couples or close friends. -Wikipedia

Use mirroring to your advantage by doing three things:

  • smile
  • mind your posture
  • stay upbeat

Do these simple things and you can run a gaming session at a high energy level easily and consistently. I guarantee that 80% of your players will match your behaviour and perk up, participate, and enjoy the game session more than usual.

happy playerInvolvement

Congratulations! You now speak a new language. Now it’s time to use it. So if you see a single player becoming disengaged, react! Give them information that only their character knows, make them roll dice (and let the result affect the game). If none or the players are involved it’s overhaul hour: take a break, start a fight, introduce new characters, improvise, just do something. And finally, when all players are involved, mind your own body language and stay engaged, keep things moving and postpone that snack break.

Conclusion

Storytelling is about people at least as much as it is about story. Being aware of your players needs and energy level will make you a better storyteller and a better GM.

Have fun gaming!

[Leave a Comment]

The Littlest Con

Madison, South Dakota might seem like a typical small Midwestern town. In some ways it is. But it’s also the home of a Dakota State University and the school’s Computer Game Design program. The DSU Gaming Club puts on a gaming shindig every year, and this legendary event is known as Nanocon.

Nanocon isn’t just a gathering to facilitate gaming of all types, which it does. It’s also an educational event for the students at DSU. I was invited last year as a representative for Wizards of the Coast, among such design luminaries as the wise and skilled Jeff Tidball (a freelancer for Fantasy Flight, Atlas Games, and countless others) and the incorrigible cad Richard Dansky (White Wolf, Red Storm Entertainment, and novelist responsible for Firefly Rain). It was a great time, and I must have done something right, because they invited me back.

This year, the roster was filled with a few more experts, such as:

Jeff Tidball was back, bringing with him a playtest version of a board game based on the well-known RPG [name redacted]. I was lucky enough to play the prototype. To me, Jeff’s version captured the essence of the RPG better than the original did at times. Sure, like Jeff himself said, there were no intense roleplaying moments, but it as great themed fun. Perhaps we’ll revisit it when the game is released and my NDA no longer applies.

• Jeff McGann, lately of Red Storm but on his way to Irrational Games and work on Bioshock Infinite. Jeff knows a thing or a thousand about the “hellish world” AAA game design. Primary in my mind, as a designer of D&D, is his take on accessibility or lack thereof. Your game has to let people in, and if it doesn’t, it won’t matter how cool the second act is. Too few people will see that act. D&D has lacked real accessibility for long enough that the problem transcends editions. Maybe the new red box helps, but I don’t think Essentials does. My point here is that most D&D players are inducted into the game without having to climb the complexity curve alone. Maybe more on that later.

• Matthew Weise of the Singapore-MIT Gambit Game Lab, researcher on game history with emphasis on Metal Gear Solid, zombies, and first-person RPGs. As a fan of stealth games, I appreciated Matt’s analysis of the Metal Gear franchise. See Game Verbiage below for more on Matt.

• Clara Fernandez, also of the Singapore-MIT Gambit Game Lab, is a researcher on adventure games, puzzle design, and dream logic in games, as well as stories in simulated environments. Maybe it’s obvious to others how puzzle design for a game is so much like overall adventure design, but I found that focus insightful. Puzzles have to provide enough information and hooks to keep players moving forward and satisfied with that progress, otherwise frustration sets in. Without a social reason to continue investing, most players just quit. Our adventures need to do the same while providing enough “imagination space” to allow DMs and players to personalize the experience. I think this is what modern D&D adventures lack, as Mike Shea has intimated.

• Kevin Rohan, the Content Director for Silver Gryphon Games. He also knows how to mix genres in Savage Worlds. As a player of Grover, mean with a pair of .44 revolvers, in Kevin’s “Fist Full of Muppets” scenario, I should know. Kevin and I also gave a presentation about sandbox adventure design, and it was pretty cool. Try to create a scenario with a nonlinear progression for the proactive player characters. Then include villains that plan intelligently and move forward. The characters have to thwart the villain’s agenda, or meet their own goals, while the antagonists do the same. It’s a lot more interesting than monsters that wait to be killed in a site that changes only when PCs appear, let me tell you.

Back to School

I was in Madison early on Friday, so I had the pleasure of going to a couple classes. Jeff Howard—a professor at DSU and author of Quests—invited me to his class on combat systems and magic systems. The students presented various combat systems for their games, and I was allowed to give some feedback. I also got to go to a projects class and witness some damn cool games designs in progress, and the students were kind enough to explain the concepts to me, even though everyone else in the room already knew the project story and parameters.

How is this useful to you? One thing I felt over and over again, and said in various ways, was that you, as a game designer, need to be able to tell me who I am in your game, what I’m doing, and why. That’s your elevator pitch right there. And if you don’t have an elevator pitch, your idea isn’t solid enough. (Steve Jackson Games writer guidelines put it another way. You need to be able to write the back cover’s sell text for your game. If you can’t, work on your idea more.)

I also felt, here and when I was evaluating pitches for D&D Insider, that most budding designers need to push ideas further and go for meaningful play. Find the unique aspects of the vision you’re after, then push them to the fore. Make sure your mechanics and narrative reward the behavior you want. Every feature of your game should have a reason for some or all players to engage that aspect. If not, then the feature is a lie. This applies to DMing from monster design to encounter design to adventure design to campaign design.

All Fluxed Up

For the game room, I came up with a Gamma World scenario based on Madison, DSU, and South Dakota wildlife. I called it Deshoo Snipe Hunt, and here’s the premise: Winter is coming. The tiny plains village of Deeshoo is finishing up the harvest and the autumnal hunts before the alpha snows block the trade route to Soox Falls. It couldn’t be a worse time for raiders to move into an old bunker on the far side of Lake He-man. The Dragon Slayers United (DSU), Deeshoo’s elite protectors, went out to deal with the raiders a few days ago. They never came back. Now a giant sword-beaked fowl with an entourage of blood birds is picking off Deshoo hunters, residents, and livestock and carrying them east. Looks like a job for the DSU auxiliary. That’s you.

Cool thing is that I got to play this scenario twice, although only once all the way through. The first time through was with four players, all of whom had humanoid mutant characters except for the player of Sunflower, which was a sentient commune of dandelions. The second game included Steve Graham, a DSU professor; Allen Thiele one of the Nanocon organizers; Jeff Howard, Jeff Tidball, and Jeff McGann. After hearing Kevin Rohan and I speak on adventure design, the last Jeff was so eager to play in one of my tabletop games that he bought new dice. As if I weren’t ecstatic enough with a table full of smart gamers, Jeff’s enthusiasm was no small compliment coming from such a smart designer. Gamma World got positive reviews all around.

I also learned a few things about the game.

• It’s all right to allow players to assign an 18 and a 16 to ability scores even if they have origins that have the same ability score. In fact, it can work better than raising one score to 20 if the player wants or needs the character to use weapons. It also behooves you to make sure every character that lacks at-will mutant powers has a reasonable score in an ability that facilitates weapon attacks. You might even want to go to a 4d6-drop the lowest scheme for other ability scores. This still allows for some low rolls, which players in my games latched onto as roleplaying opportunities.

• 1d4+1 rolls on the Starting Gear table is about 1d4 too many. The Starting Gear Table has too few options for every character at the table to have three rolls on it. Instead, give each character one roll, then another roll or two on the Ancient Junk Table, and call it good. Believe me, the Ancient Junk table is where it’s at for fun gear possibilities. I mean, how else do you get an android to throw his wireless mouse and use his Interaction skill to pretend he just threw a high-tech grenade?

• Alpha Flux is awesome. You might look at the rules for changing Alpha Mutations and dislike the randomness and changeability, but it works. Further, the players not only get it, given a simple explanation of the Gamma World setting, they also seem to love it. They especially love when they’ve used one Alpha Mutation, roll a natural 1, and receive a new mutation for the trouble. I’d even go so far as to recommend putting terrain or monster powers in every few encounters to make Alpha Flux different and, preferably, more common.

As an aside, Alpha Flux can be used to explain any kind of weirdness in Gamma World. Gamma Terra provides narrative underpinning for real-life complications. For instance, if you’re running a campaign and a player fails to show, his or her character might simply disappear for a while in a reality-altering wave of flux. He or she might even reappear with full knowledge of what transpired in the supposed absence.

• Ignore Omega Tech card drawing. Instead, give out Omega Tech like treasure, even allowing enemies to use the tech first or have it on them. As an experiment, I ignored the drawing rules for Omega Tech and gave it out (randomly) piecemeal over the course of my encounters. Doing tech distribution this way allows the players to decide who takes which treasure. It also allows you to control, to an extent, the number of tech powers that might enter play at any one time. Plus, describing the discovery of Omega Tech is more fun this way.

Game Verbiage

Matt Weise gave a workshop that was, for lack of a better word, amazing. The premise is simple: Take an intellectual property, such as The Wizard of Oz. Then reduce that IP to the verbs related to it. From those verbs, you come to the essence of what a game about that IP might include in the gameplay. The results can be surprising.

I was playing my Welcome to Dark Sun adventure (for the seventh time) when Matt started, so I didn’t participate. (The players in that game did very, very well, which I think might have something to do with my communication as a DM.) I watched. Matt and I talked while the teams worked on their IPs (The Wizard of Oz and The A-Team).

The technique might seem simple. It is. But how many games miss this simplicity? An example we spoke of is the James Bond IP. How many James Bond games are about the varied aspects of spying? Most are themed shooters that involve only the most action-oriented aspects of the Bond franchise. These games miss the chance to incorporate other aspects of the IP, and perhaps thereby, miss the opportunity to attract a wider variety of players. Matt accurately pointed out that the Hitman games involve more deceptive tactics than numerous Bond games.

A lot of designers can benefit from learning and following this sort of thinking. I know I did.

Small Con Experience

Nanocon’s magic is in its intimacy. It presents a great opportunity to meet players and play games. As a guest, I also had the chance to mingle with all the other guests, as well as the faculty and organizers. That type of interaction with others who love games is hard to overvalue. Perhaps needless to say, I’m glad I went. I’ll say a little more about what I did there later.

[Leave a Comment]

Review: “Misspent Youth”

Rebellion is an important – and much abused – part of society. It is an anonymous Chinese man standing in the middle of a city street in the middle of the night in front of a tank, blocking it on its way to smash a futile effort to create the world’s largest democracy. It is also privileged middle-aged white people, angry about promises of a life free from government intrusions smashed on the rocks of a financial system run amok. It is hundreds of thousands of Ukrainians rallying under an orange banner to refuse the megalomaniacal dreams of a former KGB-apparatchik dictator, but it is also a bored kid giving the finger to a teacher who is trying her best to make his life better. It is a tiny voice speaking out for the good of us all, but it is also a superpower-backed junta crushing a neonatal democracy.

Enter Misspent Youth (MY), a roleplaying game steeped in the juices of punk, a movement that didn’t quite manage to define a generation, yet somehow managed to fend off death for 34 years and counting. MY’s layout is an homage (for better and for worse) to the handmade zines that held pockets of geeks, thinkers, artists and hobbyists together before the advent of desktop publishing and ubiquitous blogging. It swears like a sailor that’s gotten a little too comfortable in a new port. In its sincere little heart it wants to teach a few people the importance of righteous rebellion. [Read the rest of this article]

[Leave a Comment]

Fable 3 Half-Review: It Is A Giant Waste Of Time

Expressions

I enjoyed the original Fable. The whole “people react to you differently if you’re a butthole to them” thing had been explored in other games, but it was still relatively fresh at the time. What set Fable apart was that in games like Knights of The Old Republic, you made choices in the story or took quests that affected your goodness/badness rating and everybody treated you accordingly.  You could do this in Fable, but you could also interact with random villagers and affect their individual opinions of you. If they loved you, they would give you discounts or you could marry them and have sex with them. However, since you were always dealing with characters unimportant to the story, the game still treated them as such, and you interacted with them the same way you’d interact with any other non-important character – “expressions”. These were simple actions you could do to be good or bad to someone. You could dance or “hero pose” and make people love you, or act like a jerk and fart all over them and they’d hate you. When a member of the opposite sex loved you enough, an option to marry them would open up. When you were married, an option to have sex would open up. All the while, they would say weird, repetitive pithy sayings and your character’s voice would mumble. It was a little weird, but charming enough, and it didn’t really get in the way of all the epic awesome in the rest of the game.

Fable 2 was released a couple years later, and the world had been expanded and everything got redesigned, and the amount of interaction you could do with the townspeople increased somewhat in that you got more silly expressions to play with. It was still pointless, and had sort of a childlike charm to it. Oh, except now you were equipped with some kind of magic Hero gaydar that could tell you if someone was straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual, and you could have premarital sex with whatever gender and/or orientation you wanted. Oh, and there was an achievement for having group sex. Wait, what? And you could have children. And they grew up insanely fast. And I’m not quite sure what happens to them if you divorce your spouse. You had a little approval rating meter that would appear and show you what everyone you talked to thought of you, which I wish I had in real life, and it was a lot easier to tell if someone was indifferent, friendly, really friendly, or like, OMG SUPERFRIENDLY. If you improved your relationship with a person sufficiently, the  game made no bones about telling you that you have formed a Deep Personal Bond and they are now your BFF.

I laughed the first time I saw that message. I am no longer laughing.

Mindless Betrayal

I bought Fable 3 earlier this week, having been happy with its predecessors. They sucked me right into the story and made me HATE the evil king, who they basically tell you is destined to be overthrown by your hand in every advertisement for the game ever made. They filled the world with pain and suffering and character and they have me absolutely rabid to free Albion and to ease the suffering of its people. To do this, you have to first gain the support of the people.

One of the first quests you get is to shake hands with 20 people, which is done via an expression. These have been greatly simplified, and the computer randomly chooses a good and bad one for you and you just push a button. I was getting pretty damned tired of shaking hands by the end of that, but I was OK with getting through it to get to more of the saving and alleviating and regime-changing and eradicating the practice of child labor. CHILD LABOR. God, I was having FITS. Of JUSTICE. And then I play a little more and it isn’t too long before I’m informed that I have to collect a bunch of these little “guild seals”, which are kind of like XP. And I have to get them by making all the townspeople everywhere like me. Which I can only do by performing a bunch of mindless expressions.

In case you’re wondering why my hair is three times its normal height and glowing yellow and my power level is OVER NINE THOUSAND! right now, allow me to put this into perspective.

I’m viewing a cutscene where an evil industrialist boss is shooting a protester and threatening all his workers and their families with death if they protest, speak, or take over a three second break. I hate that son of a bitch with all of my being. I want to shoot him in the face, but he leaves before I can. I am emotionally invested all the way up to my eyeballs. Then, in order for the resistance fighters to take me seriously, I have to dance with 50 townspeople and do the “flying” lift at the end of Dirty Dancing with all of them. Men and women, nobles and working class, most of which who don’t know me. There are a couple of alternatives. I can play Pat-A-Cake with them, or I can tickle them, all the while making noises that if I used them on my two year old would smack me and tell me to stop treating him like such a baby. Also, anytime I make friends with someone, I have to go dig up something in the mountains for them or deliver a package. And I have to do it again if I want to be BFF’s. Which I had better do if I want to unlock anything anytime soon.

Basically, my emotional investment in the story and suspension of disbelief were struck repeatedly in several sensitive areas with a pickaxe and then I wake up five hours later disoriented and furious that not only has my precious time been wasted, it has been wasted on ruining the mood.

Stop it stop it stop it stop it STOP IT

I really have no idea what Lionhead Studios was thinking. My best guess is that Peter Molyneux has been trying to convince people since 2004 that Fable’s expressions system is a deep and complex metaphor for human interaction, and that after six years of people going “LOL that’s kind of weird I guess”, he decided to make them mandatory this time around. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if the expressions used weren’t so damned goofy. Maybe it would help if I wasn’t watching the same set of four ten-second-long sequences a hundred times in a row. Maybe if it didn’t require me to do three expressions, a jaunt into the mountains, three more expressions, and another trek into different mountains all for ONE PERSON to declare their emotionally-devoid everlasting fake friendship to me, I would not be laying mushroom clouds right now really quietly so as not to wake my son. Perhaps if I did not have to repeat the aforementioned ridiculous sequence of events dozens of times during the game, I would not be saying “perhaps” so much. If you are troubled by how many times I have said “perhaps” in this paragraph, perhaps you should avoid Fable 3 like the plague. The bad kind.

Really, the thing that makes all of this several orders of magnitude more awful for me is that, as I mentioned before, the rest of the game is wonderful. Sure, I have some issues with the UI, and I’ve seen a bug here and there, but I can cheerfully look past that kind of stuff if I get immersed in the story. Honestly, if anybody should be mad that this game went this direction, it’s the developers and writers and artists who worked so hard to make all the nonstupid portions of the game so amazing. I think I would lose my mind if I weaved such a beautiful world into being and somebody demanded it be turned into a Fisher-Price Sexual Deviancy Playset. It’s like I’m trapped in a nightmare about Fable and Brave New World, and everyone in the whole world is Epsilons, and they’re all horny. And, though it may not seem like it currently, I actually believe there is a time and place for these kinds of things. The Sims is a great game. Running around doing whimsical metaphorical actions to symbolize true human relationships or whatever might be OK if it were its OWN GAME. But trying to blend this sort of thing with a real story and well-developed characters is inconsistent and confusing at best and infuriating at worst. I opted for the latter. It damn near ruined the whole experience for me. It may yet.

All this vitriol, and I’m only halfway through the game. That’s why it’s a “Half-Review”. It is not some sort of weird genealogical thing, nor is it radioactive. Well, maybe it is radioactive. Regardless, I am going to finish this game, free all the children, kill the king and wear his skin as a cape, ride a rainbow pony off into the sunset, and fix the economy. Just like Obama. No matter how many times I have to put Baby in a corner. So listen up, Lionhead. If I finish this out, and the plot falls flat, I am going to write a really negative review.

[Leave a Comment]

Chatty Plays: “Last Night on Earth”

I met her at Gen Con, she's nice.

With no ongoing RPG campaigns going for my gang at the moment, I find my font of inspiration to be somewhat drier.  But I can write about other things right?  Like boardgames!

Guys? You still there?

Hello?

Last Friday, PM and I were hanging out looking for good 2 player games.  We usually defaulted to Last Night on Earth a zombie-themed board game by Flying Frog Productions.  Turns our I won 2 games back to back… but as you’ll see later, it was more luck than anything.

What it is? Shambling Review

Last Night on Earth is a 2-6 player board game that simulates a small-town zombies infestation movie.  Half the players control non-infected character archetypes while the other half share a fluctuating pool of slow-moving zombies. [Read the rest of this article]

[Leave a Comment]

D&D Essentials and the 4.5 Edition Issue

It’s Monday and as of last week the Wizards Premiere stores have been selling Heroes of the Forgotten Kingdoms and Monster Vault, which means for most intents and purposes the entirety of the D&D Essentials line is now out there for people to play and read. As people absorb and utilize the material we should be able to gain a general sense of exactly what Essentials really is and what it means for the 4th Edition of Dungeons & Dragons. That said, one of the biggest concerns/complaints/or whatever you choose to call it that I’ve heard raised about D&D Essentials is whether or not it is D&D Edition 4.5.

After considering the idea briefly, I came up with an answer that satisfies me and I believe settles the issue pretty soundly. Is D&D Essentials a 4.5 Edition? The answer: Yes and No, simultaneously.

Before you jump the gun that this is a cop-out answer, allow me to explain it a bit. With every previous edition of Dungeons & Dragons that I’ve played we have bought several books and begun playing, and shortly afterward the game was decently house-ruled as our group saw fit to change things to make the game more fun, balanced, or what have you. This trend changed with 3rd Edition when 3.5 was released. D&D 3.5 to us was basically a large batch of errata that greatly improved how the game played and resolved many of the issues that we had dealt with for years or that had emerged over time and many of which we’d implemented house rules to mitigate or avoid already. It sucked to have to pretty much have to re-buy an edition of the game, but that was something that had happened before in the history of D&D it simply wasn’t as transparent. People react different to buying “Advanced” rules than they do buying the same edition they already owned simply with a .5 upgrade. [Read the rest of this article]

[Leave a Comment]

Page 3 of 41234