Critical Hits

The Journal of Gamer Culture

Critical Bits for the week ending 2010-08-15

[Leave a Comment]

Barf Forth Apocalyptica! Review: Apocalypse World

What started out as a short review ended up being a 1500 word text where I try to summarize what the game is about so I can run it next week.  Feel free to read the Capsule Review and then jump to “So Chatty, what are your thoughts”

The first new RPG I bought at Gen Con 2010 is Apocalypse World by Dogs of the Vineyard designer Vincent Baker. I met him early during the con and he made a great pitch while I was looking for a post-apocalyptic game for my gaming group.  Our mutual interests collided and I left with a beautiful, autographed, pocket-sized paperback.

I’d  likely play it next week with my gaming group so here’s a chatty style review.

Capsule Review

Not for the faint of heart from both a thematic and playing philosophy point of view, Apocalypse World presents a very clever and apparently engrossing game. It’s main focus is not so much on player accomplishment or setting exploration(although the PCs are complete badasses) but rather the relationships that form between PCs and the constantly mutating loyalties and rivalries between them.

If you’ve started enjoying story games that thrive on failures like Mouse Guard and Burning Wheel but want to explore a darker, very adult theme, Apocalypse World is well worth giving a try.

Buying the book+PDF: Click Here

The Core Play Philosophy

As can be expected from a Lumpley Games RPG, Apocalypse World is first and foremost a Story Game focusing not on collecting whacked out technological gear while fighting mutants. Rather it’s very much about the loyalties and rivalries that form when exceptional, kickass beings (the PCs) band together against a merciless, you’ll-get-screwed-no-matter-what world of decay, scarcity and multiple threats coming from everywhere.

Play focuses on players getting into trouble and how they resolve it (usually by getting into more trouble, leaving behind numerous dead NPCs). The PCs follow their own agendas for survival: performing tasks, raiding groups of NPCs (or even those of other PCs) to gain resources and acting on obligations that often crop up.

Play also follows meta-plots, called Fronts, where events and/or major NPC groups move in the already busy schedules of the PCs to make things more interesting and prevent players from establishing too much stability in the world.

For example, a new cult can move in near the PCs holding, bearing a strange viral plague that reprograms people into new fanatical converts before they die horribly of some form of brain cancer 3 months later.

Finally, the game forcefully tells GMs (called Master of Ceremonies or MCs) to refrain from prepping stories and adventures.  Prep focuses on keeping NPCs and organizations created through play straight (there are plenty of tools available online for that) and organizing the game’s fronts.

The Implied Setting and World building

The game’s implied setting  starts unspecified yet remains very specialized:

Here be the post-apocalypse and some serious, undefined shit is brewing in some ethereal entity called the psychic maelstrom.

The world takes shape as the players flesh out their characters while the MC innocently peppers the discussion with questions about the PCs pasts, current location, make of vehicles and names of every NPC around them.

The answers of such questions, with healthy doses of “Just make it up” whenever players falter, create the world as the MC notes relevant details on the very elegantly designed 1st session worksheet.

Character Generation

Characters are presented to players as playbooks: a combination character generation rules, character sheet and character specific rules.  Each playbook represent an established Post-Apocalyptic badass archetype and two players can’t play the same  since each represent a unique exceptional individual.

Some examples:

  • The Angel heals people, and has a medical clinic with staff.
  • The Battlebabe kills and intimidates everyone with her custom whacked up weapons.
  • The Gunlugger is the ultimate killer badass with more guns than shorts.
  • The Hocus is a religious leader prophet controlling a cult of NPCs (think Season 4 Gaius Baltar).
  • The Brainer screws with people’s brains with her psychic abilities.
  • The Hardholder is the leader of an established community of variable size .

And so on.

The playbook outlines all the choices that players make to create the PC, from names, look, equipment, and stat range so it is a clever, self-contained document.

Oh yeah, and thanks to Ron Edwards’ influence (among many other Indie luminaries), the PCs have special powers when they have sex with one another.

Yeah, that kind of game.

The Game Mechanics

Mechanically speaking, the game is an exchange of narrative “moves” where a move describes an action/event/game element with a significant impact in the game’s fiction.

All characters have basic moves like “Going aggro” and “Read a Situation” and character specific ones like the Angel’s “Healing Touch”. Establishing success of such moves (when significant) requires a player to roll 2d6 and add a relevant stat (which usually goes from -2 to +4).  A 7-9 is a soft success (i.e. it works but something goes wrong/different than planned as described by each moves) and a 10+ is a hard success.

While the player will use the terminology of their moves (basic and character-specific) to clearly indicate to the MC what they are attempting, the MC will ask the player to fictionalize said move to make it cooler by saying, over and over again: “Cool, how do you do that?”

The Master of Ceremonies

The MC is guided by a set of formal narrative principles like “Barf forth Apocalyptica” and “always respect the logic of the game”.  He also has very specific moves like”Announce Future Badness”, “Separate them” and “‘take their stuff away”. In essence, the MC announces that something happens whenever he makes a move and asks players to react with moves of their own.  For example:”A bad guy slinks away behind you and loops a steel wire around your neck, what do you do?”

Most everything the MC does in the game is make moves that lead up to the “what do you do” question, the MC almost never rolls dice. PCs get hurt (Shot at, drugged, strangled, etc) when they fail rolls. It’s the move players choose reactively that either gets them out of trouble, lands them into different trouble or leaves them lying in a puddle of blood.

The MC must also makes crap up on the spot (NPC moods, appearances, actions) while narrating. When well done, players don’t notice anything other than an apocalyptic tinged fully interactive story that remains internally consistent with both the rules and the apparent onscreen/offscreen logic…

Things become really interesting when PCs either miss a roll or give the MC a golden opportunity to screw with them… thus the MC is invited to go to town and make the most heinous-yet-interesting-for-the-PCs move he can think about. A bit like Mouse Guard’s failure mechanic… only not G-rated and guided by the MC’s list of moves (and any custom ones that fit the game).

The MC also names everything so that all NPCs gain a semblance of substance… but never so much that he gets to hesitate to get them killed, maimed, destroyed at the players whim.

The game’s fuel is the MC’s questions to the characters (not players).  Those questions (and answers) build the world and shape where the action goes.  Many (if not most) of these questions should be embedded in the MC’s moves or in response to players Moves/questions (i.e. turning player questions back to the group).

Chatty: You’re reading this awesome review, What does it remind you of? What does it make you feel like?

Exactly like that.

So Chatty what are your thoughts?

After reading the book and going over the game’s forums, I definitively want to try it for a few sessions.  This is NOT Fallout the RPG.  There is very limited space for armour, explosives and advanced weaponry. What it is about is scarce water, savage gangs of bikers/cultists, warlord raiders, driving through the desert in search of medicines and trying to decipher what the hell is the Psychic Maelstorm before it rots everyone’s brains.

Oh and see if you can get in Marie’s pants before she makes a move on Roark.

I’m completely intrigued by a game with no formal planning and especially by the “you don’t roll stuff, the players do”. It makes me feel the game is hard to master for both players and the MC.  There are a LOT of little bits here in there that can be easily forgotten.

I’ll spend the week thinking of some visuals and sub-themes so I can barf forth the appropriate levels of Apocalyptica.

If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask… this is a hard game to describe.

Buying the book+PDF: Click Here

[Leave a Comment]

Dave’s Gen Con 2010 Wrap-up

So you may have seen all the Gen Con schedules posted last week that told you where various Critical Hits staff members were going to be, I am going to buck the trend and tell you where I WAS at Gen Con… or at least the highlights.

Wednesday

Arrived in the morning, was able to check in relatively early (the Hyatt rocks, by the way, except for the completely awful slow and expensive internet connection.) We then managed to get into a game of Castle Ravenloft, the new cooperative board game, for which E summarized the game play and we later did an unboxing video. We also helped Asmadi Games haul in product to their booth, giving us an early look at the exhibit hall before it was fully set up. From Asmadi, I later got a copy of Innovation and the Win, Lose, or Banana promo card Cake.

Thanks to Sarah Darkmagic‘s husband Fred, we found a good liquor store with a very helpful owner and I dropped over $200 on booze. (Thanks again, Fred!) We then returned to the Hyatt to secure tables, and at 8, ran DD&D. I’m still delighted and amazed that the event worked out, and have even more ideas for next year. Primary on my list is expanding to another table, since the worst part was having to turn away friends. I also want to organize a simultaneous teetotaler D&D game for our non-drinking friends. [Read the rest of this article]

[Leave a Comment]

What I Learned DMing for 10,000 Players

My first DMing experience was running The Sinister Secret of Saltmarsh for five classmates back when we were barely 12 years old.  That was almost too young for us to nearly wet ourselves laughing at all the “Ned Shakeshaft” jokes.  Almost, but not quite.  But even then, before I even knew what side of a d4 was up, I learned a few valuable DMing lessons.  Jokes about bad names were not only inevitable, they were welcome.  Finding that first magic item, even if it was just a +1 short sword, is motivating.  Some allies should betray the PCs, and some enemies should turn out to be allies.  Creating great stories through gaming was frickin’ amazing.

As I grew older and my gaming experiences expanded throughout high school and college, my players would grow to number roughly 100.  We would play all the current editions of D&D, plus just about every RPG that was released in those times, no matter how complicated, silly, cheap, expensive, popular, forgotten, praised, or derided.  Starting in 2002, however, my attention was brought sharply into focus on 3rd Edition D&D, and the number of players I oversaw began to grow rapidly out of control.  At the point where I write this, I would say that I have DMed for thousands of players all over the world.

How, you ask?  Do I have the world’s largest basement and a helipad on the roof?  Alas, no.  Since 2002, I have been an administrator in three different organized-play campaigns: the Writing Director for the region of Keoland in Living Greyhawk, the Factionmaster of the Crimson Codex faction in Eberron’s Xen’drik Expeditions campaign, and most recently a Global Administrator for the Living Forgotten Realms campaign.  I also did work for the Eberron: Mark of Heroes campaign and Kenzer & Co.’s Living Kingdoms of Kalamar campaign.  Because of some fortunate timing, I also have had the opportunity to design or contribute content to off-the-shelf products from Wizards of the Coast: P3 Assault on Nightwyrm Fortress, Dungeon Delve, DMG 2, and City of Stormreach.

Throughout all those years and all those projects, and thanks to all of the people whom I have interacted with and learned from in my gaming and writing life, I like to think I have gained at least a small amount of practical knowledge.  But most of what I have learned has come at the expense of getting things wrong the first time (and often the second and third time as well).  And that’s really what I want this column to be about going forward: offering insights and suggestions for adventure designers and DMs, while at the same time filling the entire Internet with things I don’t know.

As a little preview of what’s coming, I’ll share this.  My background is in Creative Writing and English.  I would always point out to my students things like the difference between story and plot.  I would smugly quote E.M. Forster, stating that “The king died and then the queen died” is story, while “the king died and then the queen died from grief” is plot.  For too long I would bring that same sort of subtlety into my adventure design, expecting the players to be in awe of my wit.  Only after extensive and monumental failures did I realize that RPGs in general and D&D in particular play by a different set of rules.  So with apologies to E.M Forster, I offer the following: “In D&D, ‘the king died and then the queen died’ is story. ‘The kind died and then the queen died from a greataxe through the skull and 20 ongoing radiant damage from the cleric because she was a whore succubus shagging the king’s knights while using their soul energy to perform a ritual that would open a rift to the deepest pits of hell and unleash a cataclysm foretold by the blind seers of the Lost Continent’ is D&D plot.”

Gaming is awesome, and I cannot wait to learn more about everything that makes this hobby of ours tick.

[Leave a Comment]

Lessons Learned from Gen Con 2010

Every year I leave Gen Con with a few, crystal clear thoughts that guide my gaming and writing for the upcoming year.  This year was no different.  So here’s my list of lessons learned.

I need to GM RPGs less… so I can study other GMs more.

I was again blessed to play with awesome GMs this year.  GMs that make me learn more about the Craft that I could absorb through reading stacks of books and megabytes of blog entries.

Luke Crane is, as usual, a legendary Game Master, yielding high-energy enthusiasm for his new game (Free Market) with a perfect sense of pacing. I love how he always says “this is great! You do that” whenever a player uncertainly describes an action to him.

(I’ll post about Free Market soon. Suffice it to say that I bought the 60$ boxed game without hesitation).

Chris, with his “Welcome to Dark Sun Bitches” game, showed me how to inject massive dose of cool and attitude in encounters without breaking the complexity bank.  His “Leave-that-baddie-alone-while-the-party-tries-to-end-the-ritual-skill-challenge-while-fighting-cool-minions” encounter was gaming art.

Spoiler-free hint: Take an unbeatable monster busy doing something really dreadful other than trying to  kill the PCs and put in a 12 success skill challenge interrupted by tons of minions appearing in 2s and 3s every round.

NewbieDM (newbie no longer in my book) reminded me about what I liked so much about low level D&D. His awesome descriptions and impeccable pacing of a lvl 2 Chaos Scar adventure (the one where the party chases 2 dragonborn murderers into the cave of a wyrmling Scrappy Doo Brown Dragon).     While we completely pwned all encounters, it was a fast paced game peppered with Newbie’s silly voices and vivid description.

Plus, he’s one handsome Latino DM ladies, you WANT to play at his table.

I need to GM RPGs less… because playing is hella FUN!

In my 30 years of tabletop RPG gaming,  I somehow lost the sheer fun of playing characters.  I used to tell myself I was a bad player, or a backseat DM but I think I was just denying myself the pleasure and simplicity of playing just one character.  At Gen Con, I rediscovered that I love being a PC.  I love challenging the GM and see how they get to deal with a psycho-dramatist instigator (i.e. moi).

Phil: I see my (Free Market) PC like a low grade brain hacking telemarketer.

Luke: Dude, I think you underestimate the power of the PC you just made. What you have done here is create a freaking sociopath in an Utopia.

Phil: Well I’ll be…

People Trust my Opinion on Games More Than I Thought

Here’s a funny story. I spent most of Sunday’s early morning hours with Jared von Hindman, like the two sleepless nightbirds we can be.  During the long hours, I made the following pitch for the Free Market RPG:

What if Facebook and humanity’s evolution collided and caused the Singularity, leading to a space station standing at a Lagrange point between Saturn and a hollowed-out moon turned into the mother of all hard drives?

What if trans-humans living on that station were immortal, telepathic and lived in a utopian society where the best way to thrive was to band up in micro enterprises/cults/armies/clades and create stuff (read “apps” and “gifts”) that you gave away to make friends and gain influence?

What if you could trade that influence to get things you really needed or get out of the all the troubles you created while making all that stuff?

And what if you used short and long term memories to fuel your character’s development?

Jared: You had me at Facebook man.

I’m not done yet.

When I brought Jared and introduced him to Free Market’s co-creator Jared Sorenson (Jared squared!), two or three people saw me at the booth and/or noticed the copy of the game in my shoulder bag… and BOUGHT IT!

Fan #1: I’m buying it because it’s ChattyDM approved.

Fan #2: My wife will kill me, but if you got it, so will I.

Me: WTF?!?

I knew I had influence in the online RPG world.  I knew that people trusted my opinions about the stuff I wrote, but here I was, standing in a booth and people walked in and bought it because I happened to be there!

Mind. Blown.

I love being a gaming advocate, I just didn’t think I had that much torque.  This “year of playing other games than D&D” will be interesting indeed. I’ll make sure to pass on trustworthy feedbacks about them as I always try to.

People Want to Buy Stuff I Write and they want to work with me.

We were sitting at a bar, quaffing pints and relaxing from a hectic day, when the subject came to my having sold a surprising number of copies of the One Page Dungeon Codex (we sold like half of the copies we had and 75% of the CDs). People, Milambus and Chris in the lead, started telling me to get my ass into gear and start writing something else that I could sell, because they would totally buy it.

Thanks guys!

The conversation continued later at the Media Meet and Greet and we stumbled unto an idea that could very well be commercially viable and awesome.  I’ll get into later as I don’t want to make announcements that I can’t meet later.

Speaking of which, I was asked about my RPG for kids projects, and when people noticed that I was being wishy-washy about it, I got a solid jolt from artists and game designers I respect a lot.  They all made it clear that I had to make it and that they wanted to do it with me.

So I returned from Gen Con with the fires of creation relit in my belly!

Gen Con is for gaming. Don’t forget about it.

I played like hell this year.  I managed to combine networking with playing and it worked well for me.  Yes, I didn’t get to see Wil Wheaton in person (I was at his reading) because I was walking the floor for games for my kids (and selling tons of Free Market apparently). I also didn’t hang around with the people of Wizards of the Coast much,  but I did spend some awesome time playing Dark Sun, Chaos Scar, Drunken D&D, Parsely games and even a tremendously tense full on Magic the Gathering Base Set Draft…

…of which I made the finals and lost at the 3rd game against a very evenly matched opponent and deck. I love drafting Magic the Gathering, I miss it. I’ll get you next year TME!

Suffice it to say that gaming is what Gen Con is about and if I’m going to spend so many hundreds of dollars to get there, I might as well make it worth my gamer’s while.

What about you?

Were you at Gen Con? What was your take home lesson?  What was the cool stuff you got?  You weren’t there?  How about others cons you attended?

[Leave a Comment]

Gen Con 2010: Drinking Dungeons & Dragons

Now years ago, it started as a joke: making a drinking game out of 4e Dungeons & Dragons. After that, it became an annual tradition at Gen Con for some of our closest blogger friends those first two years, run by ChattyDM. This year, we were faced with two issues: we were getting too many people at the table, and Chatty was going to be busy with seminars and such leading up to Gen Con, limiting the time he would have to prepare.

I offered to step in and spear-head the DD&D game, if he would collaborate with me and run a second table. An accord was struck and the planning began: a Drinking Dungeons & Dragons event for Gen Con to top all the previous. As we planned more and more over the months leading up, it was clear this wasn’t just an ordinary convention game… it was an event. While the goal was drunken fun, the prep was serious business.

Last Wednesday at 8pm we ran the game to what I would call great success. We had 12 interested players, 2 DMs, a small audience, and over $200 in booze that would lead to quite an evening. I’d like to call out a few important things that went into the adventure… and I’ve invited ChattyDM to chime in with his thoughts as well.

(Chatty: Oh I’m there Dave! I’m there!) [Read the rest of this article]

[Leave a Comment]

Critical Hits Podcast #21: Red Box Actual Play with Jeremy Crawford

One part interview, one part actual play, all recorded in the noisy Sagamore ballroom, Jeremy Crawford of Wizards of the Coast ran a short game for a group of the Critical-Hits crew showing off characters made using the new D&D Essentials Red Box. What role is the new Fighter Slayer build? What does halfling blood taste like? Are Wookies really the new PC race? Answers to these questions and much more await within.

Actual Play with Jeremy Crawford (1 hour 45 minutes, 50 MB)

[Download iPod versionDownload MP3 versionPodcast Feed]

[Leave a Comment]

The Left Hand of God: Review and Contest

Background

A nominally young adult novel set in a dystopian world that mirrors our own past, The Left Hand of God by Paul Hoffman is a book of impressive vision and puzzling inconsistencies that ultimately provides a gruesome, but highly enjoyable read.  The book follows the trials and travails of a young boy named Cale raised in a brutal dogmatic monastery of a twisted parody of Christianity.  His life is forever changed upon witnessing a deed horrifying even to his own warped perspective.

Setting

The world has a religious martyr named the Hanged Redeemer, but this isn’t the cuddly Crucified Martyr we all know.  The followers of this religion are engaged in a bloody civil war much like the Reformation period.  Very little information is given about what the differences are between the Redeemers and the Antagonists (who don’t appear on camera), but we can loosely assume that the Redeemers are dogmatic quasi-Catholics and the Antagonists are revolutionary thinking quasi-Protestants.  The Redeemers are headquartered at The Sanctuary, a place where children are taken from parents to be turned into brutal lifelong soldiers.  There they eat boiled feet (?), are made to recite prayers that lose all meaning, and suffer constantly brutality under at the hands of the Redeemers.  The book moves from the Sanctuary to the world at large, which is terrifying and awful in its indulgences rather than its depredations.  The ambiguous quasi-historical nature of the book is intriguing, if occasionally puzzling, while some of the plot holes in the cultural fabrics that inhabit the world is puzzling in a more aggravating way.  We’re told that the children eat terribly (and the feet of cadavers, potentially), yet they grow strong.  The world’s most powerful nation is made up of heavily armored nobles that refuse to field archers or siege weapons, but have virtually conquered the world.  These strange points annoy me, and perhaps will be answered later, but for now are quizzical stray steps from and otherwise dark quirky world.

Story

The story progresses linearly, with certain plot points withheld until they become relevant.  Other plot points are dangled at astute readers, but end up resulting in nothing.  Hopefully, this is because they become relevant in a sequel, but it’s frustrating when they’re handled so brazenly.  As for the parcels of story that come abruptly, the characters reluctance to disclose their full past is well-explained, but a few times this lack of information comes across as cheap.  It’s easy to forgive a bit of chicanery, as the characters are interesting.  The protagonist struggles between the harsh lessons of his life and the emerging gentler visions he sees.  His comrades are amusing, though more archetypal than well-developed.  The plot whisks along fast- sometimes too fast.  Again, huge plot points drop on the reader like exposition filled anvils from the sky.  It’s unsubtle, but it keeps the book from being dull.  The climax itself is bizarrely devoid of anything but forced character involvement and oddly precise compared to the brutal and visceral violence early in the book.  Yet, the aftermath of the book sets up a sequel in an interesting, and unexpected, way.

Overall

B-.  As with many fantasy series, this book exists as much to set the stage as tell a story on its own.  Despite my gripes, I found myself liking the story more the more I read.  Similar to The Darkness That Comes Before the book is not without its faults, but it does plenty enough to pique my curiosity for reading its sequel.  Check for a contest to give away some free copies of the novel.

The Left Hand of God Contest

You may have read the preceding review, or you may not have.  It doesn’t matter either way, because you can play the contest regardless. The book’s title sound suitably fantasyish, doesn’t it?  Well, that my friends is the basis of our contest.  Come up with a description for “The Left Hand of God” to be used in an RPG setting.  If it impresses our judges enough, you win a copy of the novel!  You can make it a plot hook, crunch it out as a 4E item, or even make it an NPC (perhaps it can hang out with the Atropal). Just leave your entry in a comment (or a link to your entry in a comment) to enter.

Contest opens today and ends by the end of Friday, August 20th. Panel of judges will select their top 5 entries, and each of those entrants will win a copy of the novel Left Hand of God. Entrants must provide a valid email address to be eligible so we can contact the winners. Entries can be disqualified at our sole discretion (especially if they infringe upon existing content.)

[Leave a Comment]

Critical Hits Podcast #20: Interview with Rich Baker and Mike Mearls

The Friday of Gen Con 2010, Bartoneus and myself sat down with Rich Baker and Mike Mearls of Wizards of the Coast (in the gaming penthouse above their booth) to talk about Dark Sun, Essentials, and beyond. Some of our questions were a bit invalidated by the seminar the next day, but it’s all included for the sake of posterity.

Interview with Rich Baker and Mike Mearls (18 minutes, 9 MB)

[Download iPod versionDownload MP3 versionPodcast Feed]

[Leave a Comment]

Just A Geek (And Forty Thousand Other Geeks)

I just spent the last five days in Indianapolis, as I do every year, among my people. This year, one of our high priests was in attendance, disseminating the gospel of gaming to the masses. I like putting it like that, because it makes it sound like the person in question is an elitist, pretentious ass. Any of you who have had the pleasure to meet Wil Wheaton understand he’s the antithesis of a pompous ass. In fact, I’m pretty sure trying to prevent himself from getting con crud wasn’t the reason Wil didn’t want anybody to touch him this year. I think he got word that the biggest jerk in the world was going to be at Gen Con. If they’d touched, it would be like matter touching antimatter, and the entire Midwest would have been wiped off the globe. He has saved us all.

I’m sure many of you out there have stories about meeting Wil this year. This is mine.

I originally had plans Friday morning to go to a World of Warcraft TCG tournament. When I found out Wil would be speaking, I decided my Orgrimmar shaman rush deck could get completely torn apart another time. I made the right choice. I was pretty astounded at the size of the line to get in. I got there about 45 minutes early, and before long the line extended all the way out of the Westin grand ballroom, around the upstairs lobby, and out into the skywalk leading to the convention hall. The part of me that used to get upset when people would hate on Wesley Crusher was doing a merry jig.

Wil’s talk was amazing. He talked about how gaming helped him through the gauntlet of his school years. He talked about how gaming was the mortar that held the most important relationships of his life together. He talked about teaching values to his children through gaming. He encouraged us all to keep doing what we all love most, to dispel the negative stereotypes and welcome others into our world, and to make the world a better place 1d20 at a time.

I’m not going to lie, I left that room feeling pretty damn good about being a gaming blogger. Additionally, I’ve also been struggling recently with writer’s block, and Wil made me realize something important: it doesn’t matter as much what I write about so much as why. I felt renewed purpose and fire in my belly again, and I wanted to thank him.

Fortunately, I would have the opportunity to do so in the exhibit hall at the end of a giant, slow-moving line. I would later discover why that line was moving slowly – the man takes the time to talk to everyone. Even me. When it was my turn, I told him I wrote for Critical Hits (since he mentioned this one time that he reads us), and he said he loved the site and that it helped his game mastering skills and thanked me. Sorry, Wil. I may have been somewhat disingenuous. My official role here at Critical Hits is to do the potty humor and Mega Man game reviews. Despite this, I did still have the writer’s block, and so I thanked him for getting me on my feet again. He gave me some advice a friend gave him when he had the same trouble: to give yourself permission to keep going, and to write for your audience even if you don’t feel like writing for yourself. At least, that’s what I got out of it. Every neuron was fried with too much awesome. I’m sure he said more. I’m sure his friend had a name. All I knew is that one of my childhood (and later adulthood) heroes just took the time to personally help me out. I felt like I was talking to a kindred spirit. A friend.

Naturally, I had to take one of the most excellent experiences of my adult life and blow it at some point.

As you may have heard, Wil had asked that everyone give him one of their gaming dice. In his talk, he mentioned that he wanted to know if there was a story behind these dice. I had such a die. I had a ridiculous story to tell. And I remembered that I had both of these about two seconds after the guy running the line at the autograph table asked me to move on.

In retrospect, the smart thing to do would have been to drop the die in the cup, tell Wil thanks, and walk off feeling good about the universe. But no, I just had to tell my story. It’s a very good story. It’s the tale of my heavy metal bard and how he did the deed on top of the legendary Tarrasque, eventually conceiving a child. Told right, it moves people to tears and inspires works of art. I had visions of Wil snort-laughing and Felicia Day high-fiving me for being super rad. However, given that I only had three seconds, I blurted out something along the lines of “OKAY I WILL MAKE THIS QUICK THIS DIE HAS A STORY AND THAT STORY IS THAT I CONCEIVED A CHILD ON TOP OF THE TARRASQUE”.

Wil looks at me and says, “uh huh…” in a very polite way, as I am shuffled away to let the next person through. Well, of course he did. I turned into that guy. And I realized something very important. Just as Gamera is the Friend to All Children, Wil Wheaton is the Friend to All Gamers. I genuinely believe the guy would hang out with every last one of us if he could, but he’s loved by so many that it’s just not possible. Also, there is that problem with his nuclear fire and impenetrable carapace.

So, anyway. Wil, if you’re reading this….. well, sorry about being a toolbox there at the end. And really, thanks for the advice, and for dispelling my writer’s block. Even my rolling a 1 in your presence made me want to write.

[Leave a Comment]

Page 3 of 41234