Critical Hits

The Journal of Gamer Culture

Of Dice And Men

A couple weeks ago, I got an email from a guy named Cameron McNary. At first glance, I thought it was spam. It was an advertisement of some sort and one line of text at the top that said, “I thought you might find this of interest.” I’m glad I didn’t delete his email, because as it turned out, Cameron McNary has an amazing gift when it comes to understatement.

This email was about a play he had written called “Of Dice and Men”, a story about a group of D&D players and what happens to them when one of them gets deployed to Iraq. It sounded interesting, but then I hit one quote from Cameron that stopped me dead in my tracks: “I always thought I played games for the games themselves but when he enlisted I realized I actually play them for the people – for the connections you make and the friendships that are formed when you play.” I thought of all the good times I’ve had with my friends over the years around the gaming table, how much I miss the ones I don’t play with anymore, and how at home I feel when it’s finally game night – and I knew deep in my soul he was right.

I’ve got to see this thing.

Sadly (for me, anyway), it’s being premiered at PAX PRIME. In Seattle, WA. Where I am NOT. It’s apparently the first time a “serious” play has ever been performed at a gaming convention (no, the costume contest doesn’t count), much less premiered. That’s pretty rad.

For those of you who ARE in Seattle, WA on September 3, get thee to the “Unicorn Room” of the Washington State Convention Center at 7:30 pm. You will do what I cannot, and support these fine people. Or I will SMASH.

Of course, as effective a sales tactic as physical violence is, I can’t sell this thing nearly as well as Cameron himself:

Cameron was kind enough to answer a few questions for us:


CH: What is “Of Dice and Men”, and why is it important to gamers?

CM: “Of Dice and Men” is a full-length play, written by Cameron McNary, that will be receiving its world premiere at PAX Prime, Friday, September 3rd 2010. It’s about a group of 30-something D&D players, and what happens when one of them enlists to go to Iraq. It has been called “The most brilliant piece of non-Wizards of the Coast Dungeons and Dragons related material since the Dead Alewives.”

It’s important to gamers because it portrays gamers as the kind of people you want to be around, and the kind you want to be. It’s a hip, very funny, deeply touching play that challenges the stereotypes about gamers and gaming. It is geek art without the self-loathing. If you’ve ever wanted to take your mom or your girlfriend or your grandad to something and say, “Look: THIS is why I play,” and have them *get* it, now you can.

Also, unlike the images of what “a play about D&D” might normally conjure up, it is very, very good.

CH: Are there any plans to make this experience available for those of us who can’t see the event live, like DVD or downloadable video?

CM: Eventually, yes, in some form.

CH: Any other plans in the works from Critical Threat Theatre?

CM: We plan to take the exposure and fundraising that comes from this premiere and bring this play to regional theatres across the country, and eventually, to Off-Broadway. We are also taking open submissions for scripts that match our mission of “Great Plays. About Geeks.”

CH: How can our readers get involved in this project?

CM: They can donate money. We’re currently running a capital campaign on www.indiegogo.com (http://www.indiegogo.com/ODaM) where you can become a Critical Threat Rot Grub for just $5. In addition to the various perks you can get (you should see what we’re offering our Frost Giant Jarls), when this show comes to your town, you can point to it and say you were part of making it happen.

If you know of a script we should produce, please send it to us. If you or someone you know is in a position to produce this play professionally in your town, we’ll be happy to forward you the script. You can contact us at info@criticalthreattheare.com.

CH: You guys are clearly gamers. Tell us about how you got started gaming, and how it’s affected your lives over the years.

CM: Many of the people involved in this project are gamers, but a lot of them are just theatre professionals who have become fans of the play. My wife — our Managing Director — won’t touch twelve-siders with a ten-foot pole. Many of our Seattle actors have no gaming experience whatsoever. Our commitment to making quality theatre is just as strong as our commitment to making theatre about geeks.

As for myself, I’ve been playing D&D since my cousin Seamus ran me through Against the Giants and the Lost Tomb of Martek when I was eight. Since then, my tastes have expanded to include just about anything you can play — every tabletop RPG ever, CCGs, videogames, boardgames. Like a lot of gamers, gaming has been the source of some of the best friendships I’ve ever had, and sometimes the only friendships I’ve had. Whatever town I was in, whatever shape my life was in, I knew if I could find a gaming store, I had a home. There have been times in my life when that was incredibly important.


Thanks to Cameron for tipping us off about this event. I’m incredibly jealous of those of you who can make it.

Once again, here’s where to be:

PAX PRIME
7:30 pm
September 3rd 2010
“Unicorn Room” of the Washington State Convention Center in Seattle, Washington.

Please, please, please go and support them. Or donate, which you can do here. Or both. Yes, that one. Just help them out. They rock.

Photo credits:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/carleeaross/2060369281/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rym/2067782076/

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Not Without My Beholder: A Mother’s Tale

Before today’s featured presentation, allow me to present the trailer for this year’s Roleplaying For The Severely Disturbed with StupidRanger.com event from Gen Con. It is an hour and a half long. We realize this is a little long for a trailer, but we wanted to give our readers a faithful representation of the actual event, if they were so inclined to watch it.

Roleplaying For The Severely Disturbed with StupidRanger.com

And now, for the main course:

Invisible Child 2

The unaired sequel to "Invisible Child", set in Eberron.

I’ve spent the majority of my blogging career trying to figure out how to make it easier for people to roleplay better. To get them emotionally invested in their characters. To make them feel and act as their character might. To dance into the danger zone where the dancer becomes the dance. I believe I have finally discovered the secret to doing so:

The Lifetime Movie Network.

Who better understands the human condition than the people who prepare us for the worst life could ever throw at us with their delightful training films? I now have deep insight into how to cope with discovering that I have a secret baby while a serial killer stalks me trying to steal my face. If, in my work as a traveling nanny, one of my clients has an invisible child, I am prepared.

Therefore, I propose a series of similar films be created for gamers. Imagine the unbridled freedom. Nobody is invested in their characters now because there’s no real sense of peril with the mere threat of simple death, dismemberment, undeath, conversion into ettin feces, demonic possession, and banishment to other planes.

These are nothing compared to the sanity-destroying terror of discovering that the mind flayer you shared one night of passion with had your half-Illithid love child and that now grown child is now a fireman, your home is on fire and your wife is sure to recognize your eyes above his tentacle-nubs. THAT is true terror.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Imagine having to plan the double shotgun wedding for long lost hobgoblin sisters. Imagine being a wight with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. What if your character’s son had a crippling addiction to drawing cards from the Deck Of Many Things to feed his drug habit? What if you woke up from a coma and discovered all your body parts had been replaced with body parts of Vecna – and your husband, intimidated by your newfound power, doesn’t find you attractive anymore?

If you are not weeping uncontrollably by this point, you should get yourself checked out. You are probably malfunctioning, ROBOT.

Other possible titles:

  • Warforged and Pregnant
  • Tasha’s Uncontrollable Hideous Addiction To Methamphetamines
  • Prom Night Mummy Rot
  • His Mistress’s Daily Power
  • In Love With A Police Gnoll
  • Holy Avenger: The Source Of My Paladinhood Is The Idiot Little League Umpire
  • Divine Teen, Arcane Father
  • Mindflayer, Homeflayer (with Delta Burke)
  • Circle of Lycanthropy: The Wererat’s Mistress’s Wereboar Lover’s Weresnake Mistress’s Friend with Were-Benefits

All we need now is Bigby’s Press-On Nails, Otiluke’s Everlasting Quart of Chubby Hubby, and Leomund’s Negative Gender Stereotypes.

My work here is done. Enjoy the revolution.

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Beware the Siren Song

In the old, ancient, black-and-white days, my Dungeons & Dragons habit existed happily inside its own space, separate from the zero-bit video game options like Cloudy Mountain (Intellivision) or Temple of Apshai (Commodore 64). These could never compete with the high-definition, dual-layered, widescreen, 1080p, surround sound, 3-D settings of my imagination, where using only pencil and paper and dice and dungeons, I was petrified by the scantily-clad medusa in Keep on the Borderlands, added to the ghostly feast after drinking the brandy in Castle Amber, blown up inside the malfunctioning power armor in Expedition to Barrier Peaks, and torn apart by the 4-armed gargoyle monstrosity in Tomb of Horrors.

Of course, gaming system and computer technology evolved and improved over the years, but the video games continued to take their cues and inspiration from Dungeons & Dragons, their RPG Adam, incorporating experience points and leveling, ability scores and bonuses, coin accumulation and optimization. There was even some effort to incorporate roleplaying, starting with the binary or ternary approach of the “Choose Your Own Adventure” books and building to a faux sandbox environment where you could go anywhere, explore everything, and interact with everybody.

As more and more players come to Dungeons & Dragons from a video game background (and, not coincidentally, were born after I graduated high school), they bring with them a very specific sensibility. The result is that the teacher becomes the student, and D&D players begin to integrate certain aspects that had previously only lived inside video games. For example, video games tend to deal in something I’d call “sense language,” where a scene is set by describing (or displaying) what you see and what you hear. In the same way, dungeon masters don’t talk about the three kobolds, but rather the “three emaciated lizard creatures with fanged dragon heads, hissing at each other in their horrid tongue, turning jagged blades in their clawed hands.” This is immersive, and that’s unquestionably a good thing. Unfortunately, not all of the adoptions are. [Read the rest of this article]

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Critical Bits for the week ending 2010-08-29

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Thinking Outside the Boxed Text

Boxed text (also called “box text” or “real-aloud text”) got its name from some of the earliest published D&D adventures, where bits of text were set apart from the rest by a thin black box around it.  The DM was supposed to read this text aloud so that the players would know what their characters were experiencing at the time, usually as they entered a new encounter area.  This text gave the writer the opportunity to “speak to” the players, pointing out what he considered to be details important enough to mention.

I have a confession to make: I dislike boxed text.  I don’t like writing it.  Editing boxed text is painful.  I don’t even like having to read it aloud to my players as a DM.  I understand why it is included in published adventures.  A DM relies on it to set the scene for the characters; otherwise, she would have to scan the entire encounter area and figure out what the PCs can sense at first glance.  The players can get a better picture of what their characters are experiencing when good boxed text evokes the setting.

Unfortunately, the number of things that can go wrong with boxed text often far outweighs the positives.  Before I get clinical on y’all, do me a favor.  Read this bit of boxed text: [Read the rest of this article]

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Friday Chat, Early Edition: The Geeky Road Trip

In about 24 hours, I’ll be leaving for the Toronto Fan Expo with my friend PM.  The Expo is Canada’s largest event for Sci-Fi, Horror, Anime and Gaming fans where they get to meet some of their favorite industry personalities and stock up on merch.

So soon after Gen Con and after having been at Ground Zero for Pax East, I’m not sure how to set my expectations for the Fan Expo.  I have no ideas what the show will be like nor what I’ll be doing except game for most of the day on Saturday.

Regardless of what awaits us over there, I still have a 5 hour car trip to plan so I thought I’d reach out and share/ask how the travelling part of the trip should be prepared! [Read the rest of this article]

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The Architect DM: Function & Playability

Welcome to the second installment of my series about applying real world design concepts to your own personal D&D or tabletop RPG world. Last week’s post was a relatively broad overview of the basic aspects to consider while designing a location. Today I would like to look at a different approach to designing locations, which involves thinking more about how the game will actually play out and how your players (and you as the DM/GM) will use and interact with the environment you’re creating.

Typically when I design a space for use in an RPG, I will go back and forth between these two styles of design at regular intervals. When I begin I might be thinking about the fantasy setting that has led to the creation of a building, then I will go through and design that building as I think about the players and monsters interacting with the locations, and then I will go back through it again and apply an additional layer of setting and history to it. This is an ongoing and interactive process, between you and the design, that should result in a balanced product that is both functional and rich in inspiration.

How are the players going to see this?

There is a very harsh reality that you have to face: if your players don’t experience the environment of your game, then it doesn’t matter how much effort you put into it. Another way of wording this would be that even if you put a month worth of effort into designing an encounter location, if you fail in the presentation of that encounter everything can fall flat and go to waste. A battlemat or dry erase board is one of the easiest ways to convey a setting to your players, but if you’re not using one of those then your best friend has got to be picture references. [Read the rest of this article]

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The Lord of Troma

This week, I had the pleasure of speaking with Lloyd Kaufman, President and co-founder of Troma entertainment and creator of the Toxic Avenger. I had a lot of nerves going into this – I’ve been a big Troma fan since I was 13 and used to spend every Friday and Saturday night watching horror movies on USA Up All Night.

Things actually started here a bit before my phone interview. I had the privilege of attending Mr.Kaufman’s “Make Your Own Damn Movie” masterclass at Gen Con a few weeks ago, and he was very knowledgeable and willing to answer any questions audience had, but the answers were sometimes surprising. Several people asked what sort of equipment to use, and he would always fire back with some variation on “Depends! How much money do you have? You can get by with consumer-grade equipment.” Then everyone would discuss their shoestring budget success stories and we’d move on. It’s how Troma works. Make your movie the best way you can with what you have. (You can find out way more by buying Lloyd’s book, Make Your Own Damn Movie, Secrets of a Renegade Director!) It was inspiring to see so much enthusiasm and resourcefulness surrounding the making of so called “schlock” movies. I’d find out a little more as to why when I spoke to Lloyd this week.

I started off the interview by asking Lloyd what the word “Troma” meant. He told me a short story about how the word Troma is Latin for “excellence in celluloid”. Having taken 3 years of Latin in high school, and knowing the ancient Romans probably didn’t know what “celluloid” meant, I was inclined to think maybe he was pulling my leg. (I was right. He told the real story when he was doing a guest stint writing for the DVD Talk horror blog.)

One of the very first things I discovered during my audience with the Lord of Troma is that he suffers no fools. I had a few “fluff” questions prepared, stuff like “who is your favorite villain of all time, and why?” Writers like that one. I figured Lloyd would too, being a creative type. I was wrong. He wouldn’t answer that one, and dismissed a few others like it as stupid questions. I also found out another thing right about this time: I gurgle audibly when surprised. Good to know for next time.

Thankfully, I soon started getting into questions that didn’t irritate Lloyd, and we talked for awhile about independent media and Net Neutrality. I was floored by his answer when I asked him why independent filmmaking was so important: “It’s not. It means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. You have kids starving in Third World countries and they don’t give a damn about movies. Cinema is something useless rich people like all of us here do to entertain ourselves.” I suddenly found myself not caring so much about how bad the BSG ending sucked, and being very thankful for the burrito I had just eaten moments prior.

We talked a great deal about Net Neutrality. “Without Net Neutrality, there would be no Troma. There would be no Critical Hits. You’d only have whatever insipid crap the networks decide to give you this week”. Lloyd asked that we link to his Youtube video on the subject, which we’re more than happy to do. The Internets would suck without this.

Probably the single most surprising thing I learned about Lloyd Kaufman is that he doesn’t think his movies are as funny as you probably do. To him, each is “real filmmaking” with a political message. Yes, I thought he was kidding at first, too. His tone convinced me otherwise. That and him calling Inception a piece of crap movie full of plot holes. Them’s fightin’ words, Mr. Kaufman. But who am I to say what a work doesn’t represent? Is art not subjective? Is this less effective than starving some poor attractive vegan celebrity and having them sit naked in a cage for PETA? I’m just a blogger. I’m not equipped for this. (I do, however, ponder the political ramifications of Teenage Catgirls In Heat.)

We wrapped up the interview by talking about some of Troma’s upcoming work. The big news is that the Toxic Avenger is getting remade, big budget style, and he dropped all sorts of names like Tom Cruise and Megan Fox. That was all neat and everything, but I forgot every other detail when he said Justin Bieber was going to play the kid who gets his head smashed under a car. I’m praying he wasn’t kidding. I will weep openly. The film isn’t getting made by Troma, they’re “just accepting a big check”. Despite taking some recent heat over the remake, Lloyd was surprisingly not too concerned with whether they keep the political message of the original intact – his movie would stand on its own for all time.

In the end, I’m honestly still a little befuddled. I can’t decide if he was messing with me or not. Either way, the man marches to the beat of a hideously deformed monster drum with superhuman size and strength, and I very much want to be like him when I grow up.

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The New D&D Starter Red Box: A Chatty and Nico Review

Through some obscure manipulation of the gaming industry ether, I was able to secure a pre-release copy of the much talked about new D&D Starter Red Box. Nico and I have been playing around with it and I thought I’d share my thoughts.

Chatty’s Ultimate Capsule Review

The first product of the D&D Essentials product line, while likely to be the target of hordes of people who will complain that it is not what it could never be… is what I wished I opened in 1986.

It is an introduction to the D&D game that goes directly to the heart of things:

Here, let us show you how to make a PC while reading a “be your own hero”story, learn about skill checks and let’s end it with a tactical fight. You liked that? Get 4 more friends, make basic characters and play this level 1 adventure that brings you to level 2. Want more? Here’s material for the DM to create adventures to (almost) bring you up to level 3.

Welcome to D&D!

The Box…

…is beautiful.  It features the same Larry Elmore art that featured on the last edition of the Basic Red box (Mentzer edition) from the 80′s and scores a direct hit to the nostalgia part of our gamer lizard brains.

It contains softcovers Player’s and Dungeon Master’s Booklets, a sheet of 2-sided counters (PCs and monsters, including 2 dragons and a Gelatinous Cube) printed on thick cardboard, a set of opaque, white-inked black polyhedral dice, a foldup battlemap, 4 blank simplified character sheets and several sheets of punch-out power cards made of thin cardboard.

Nico, my 8 year old son, had lots of fun punching out the counters while I read the players book intro real fast to start the game. I was so looking forward to this…

The Solo Game

The box expects one player, presumably a kid who got the box as a gift or an adult curious about the game, to create their first D&D PC through reading a “choose your own path” adventure. The booklet guides the reader to make a few fundamental set of choices that will lead to a completed character:

  • Class: Fighter, Wizard, Rogue, Cleric
  • Race: Elf, Dwarf, Human, Halfling
  • A preferred power (or two)
  • The PC’s Skill Set

Lets be clear here, as I know this will anger many who clamour for “Basic D&D 2.0″, the starer is what is says on the box, a starter set. It is a complete game, but not a complete game system. Beyond picking among 4 basic classes and the same number of races, a handful of powers and skills, character generation is arguably anaemic (but better than the previous 4e starter set). The task resolution systems (skills/combat) are also simplified while still being very much 4e.

Nico and I played through the players book in 2 sessions. He grew bored a few times as he found we were spending more time setting up the PC than actually playing. He also got frustrated a bit that the skills we choose for his wizard never came into play in the skill-checks part of the adventure.

Nico: Why did you chose these skills if they don’t help me run after the fleeing goblins?

Chatty: Wizards are not very good at running in the wild, trust me, it will get better soon.

I’d suggest parents playing with pre-tweens to make the PC beforehand (with input from your child) and start the solo game with a fully fleshed out PC and ignore the char-gen parts.

Once Nico got to choose the spells (mostly fire-based, as can be expected from a geeky 8 y.o.) and fought against the goblins in their lair, things picked up for him and he loved casting Burning Hands over much of the map.

Speaking of maps, three are supplied: a previously published “monsters lair” from D&D miniatures, along with “‘The crossroads” from the same starter set and an exclusive dungeon map made of tiles reproduced on a full-sized battle map.

Once the lone player has played through the first Player’s playbook, he/she has 2 quests, a basic grasp of the game and a guide to teach it to up to four others (which implies photocopying the power cards if you want to allow multiple players to pick the same classes).

The Full Starter Game

That’s where the second book, the Dungeon Master’s, comes in. It presents the game’s rules, in a simplified form (ex: gone are some conditions like restricted) and with a lot less skill/combat options (ex: no rule 42 charts, no traps, no alternative combat moves like Bull Rush and no skill challenge rules). It also includes a fully fleshed out dungeon adventure covering about 10 encounters featuring goblins, kobolds, drakes, a dragon.

Finally a D&D starter where there is both a dungeon & a dragon in its prepared material!

The book included tips and tricks to run games and does a very decent job to explain what the DM’s responsibilities are. After the adventure, the book provides rules to level up all classes to level 2 (with appropriate power cards). It also describes how to create further basic adventures, including a decent bestiary and dungeon design advice, that can bring PC to the cusp of level 3, including a little DC chart, a list of lvl 2 Treasure parcels and a 2 page gazetteer on the Nentir Vale region, the core D&D 4e setting.

To summarize, the new Red Box is a 20$ starter set that introduces players to the D&D 4e game. The game delivers a 4e-lite experience that most likely should succeed in teasing those interested by the game’s structure of play. It is very much 4e (auto-hit Magic Missile that Nico absolutely loves) with many of the fiddly bits removed.

Oh and there’s a bonus solo adventure you can download by entering a code on the Wizards of the Coast website before the end of the year. That’s a nice little bonus.

Trial by Ice Baby!

I’ve started playing the second part with Nico and my “I’ve never tried RPGs before” wife Alex (Elven Rogue).  They both were awesome roleplayers trying to come up with a plan to invade the dungeon by distracting the guards with illusions and trickery.

When my son declared that a halfling wizard’s Second Chance power (monster rerolls attack on a hit) allowed his PC to turn back time a few seconds and dodge a White Dragon’s breath attack, this power’s flavour text instantly became canon.

Later, when Alex’s Rogue attacked the bloodied Ice Wyrm and missed, she triumphantly invoked her Elven Accuracy power and cried “yes!” noisily when she rolled a 19 on her d20. Not bad for her first RPG session ever.

The Blemishes

Some dark spots appear on this otherwise very well thought of product.  Some incoherences in the rules appear due to what I assume to be incomplete editing. For instance, the rules on teleportation mention what happens to immobilized and restrained creatures that teleport, but the section on conditions makes no mention of the restrained status.

Similarly, the Magic Missile spell mentions that it can be used against up to 2 targets while my sources informed me that this has already been changed by the recent Magic Missile errata to one.

Nothing major… but these easily spotted editing issues are a continuing trend with Wizards product that can and do annoy customers.

That being said, I’m highly satisfied with this product and I would have bought it had I not been offered a review copy. I feel that it’s biggest shortcoming will be its impossibility to meet the inhuman expectations that the emotionally charged community will place behind it. I predict the Internet will ignore the “Starter” tag on the box and try to compare the new Red Box to its legendary progenitor.

This Starter Red Box is not the first step into a parallel line of D&D products, like the 198os editions of boxed D&D were in regards to Advanced D&D back then. The new box is what you should buy your nephews and nieces after they spend an afternoon playing with your minis in the basement. It’s what you should suggest to your coworker who’s always wanted to try D&D but was daunted by the number of books at the game store.

From there, the Essential line will feed this new generation of customers because, let’s be honest here, while we can all enjoy D&D as a game, it remains a brand that pays the salaries of the designers, writers and marketers that put all of this together.

I don’t know about you, but I much prefer an approach like Essentials, which I can stay away from if I so choose, than getting tricked into another 3.5. But that’s an editorial for another time.

Final Score?

Now Nico wants to get his friend Felix and Charles to join us as we get ready to storm the goblin-infested dungeon again. Hell even Alex is more than willing to give it another try, provided the party has a fighter she can depend on to flank monsters with.

Mission accomplished Wizards.  I can’t say anything more.

(Update): It turns out that there is a skill challenge in the introductory DM-tun adventure. It is broken down in simple terms to run it but doesn’t tell the DM how to build more.

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Upcoming 4e Item Rarities and the Great 4e Rebalancing

Full of rare itemsAt Gen Con 2010, Wizards of the Coast announced that items in 4th edition D&D would have rarities including common, uncommon, and rare. To me, the most interesting piece on this is that most existing items will be considered “uncommon” thus unavailable for purchase at most magic shops and only for the DM to distribute.

On the surface it doesn’t seem like much of a change. Deep down, however, it is a change that can completely rebalance 4e, particularly at higher levels.

At the D&D New Products Seminar, and on this post from Mike Mearls, it was stated that, from Essentials on out, items would fall into categories of common, uncommon, and rare. Most existing items, he stated, would fall into the “uncommon” rarity. Items in the “common” pool are items with pure static bonuses such as neck slot items, armor, bonuses to skill, and weapons with +1 to +6 bonuses and no other effects. Potions and some other items will no doubt be included.

So why does this matter? It matters because it is the combination of item powers mixed with class, paragon path, epic destiny, and class power effects that often unbalanced the game. With these item combinations much more rare, PCs are more likely to stay balanced. Let’s look at a few specific instances where we’ll see this change. [Read the rest of this article]

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