I think i get a bit hung up on hlaf kobold thing. I would steer away from naming them hlaf-kobold, rather just describe them as different from other kobolds, lacking this, having that. I would do this because it makes them more unique.

A hlaf celestial winged elf is not unique even though the name sure sounds like it should be, its just a bunch of templates. I think you don’t have say it upfront.

There now i have that out, i can go back to sleep.

I can still have the ‘formula’ as the base and add on it.

That is very useful feedback and I appreciate it greatly.

A decade ago, a bunch of horrendous half-kobold infants were found in one of the empty caves of the underground complex. No one knew where they came from or by what unholy process such half-breeds were created. Shunned by all, they tried to live off fungi and rodents.

Many died but a handful grew sronger, learning the secrets of cunning and underground survival the hard way. They were eventually taken under the wing of Grak-th’ah, an ancient and much respected female Kobold Seer. As they grew up, they became the Oracle’s heralds and protectors.

I would rewrite as something like:
A decade ago, denizens of the underground complex came upon a group of horrendous, half-kobold infants, tucked away in one of the empty, uninhabited caverns. Repulsed by the half-breeds, they were shunned and abandoned to fend for themselves. Most of them perished, but a handful – living off of the fungi and rodents that made their home in the complex – grew stronger, and learned the secrets to being cunning and living underground the hard way. Years later, they were discovered by Grak-th’ah, an ancient and much respected female Kobold Seer, who took them under her wing, and raised them as her own children. Over time, they became her the Oracle’s heralds and protectors.

Something like that – it just gives it a little more flair…

SeiferTims last blog post..Magics.

I can’t wait to whip this out when we have another “dunno, what to YOU want to play” night.

The only thing I would change is that I would make them “full-blooded” kobolds instead of half-breeds.

Still, since they are PCs, they would be above the ordinary kobold in abilities and powers, so they would still be “favored children of fate” or whatever.

In this variation, the Quest-Giver would be an elderly halfling, whose magical mask vanishes when he dies, revealing the face of a kobold wizard…

@Czar: The first scene’s will feature the wording of the prophecy which hints strongly at the Quest Giver’s presence in the inn.

Would you need to tie in how the Kobolds found out about the Quest Giver? Or is that something left up to the DM to decide/make up?

Looks pretty darn good to me!

Tomcat1066s last blog post..The Dark Knight Returns?

Thing is, as a published adventure (and not a story), I need to hit the widest DM audience possible with this part of the document. The tried and true writing methods for the Background and summary are more or less required. If I go too Storytelling, I lose the old school crowd, if I go too concise, I lose the storytellers. (A losing battle I fear)

Since I decided to go closer to old school than storytelling, (and my desire to paint a tribute to 36 years of dungeon crawling) my design choice steered me to what’s up there.

All the info you request actually could be given by a storytelling DM to players during the buildup to scene 1.

But that’s just me, I’m open to suggestions.

In fact, I only have one beef (other than a few trivial typos): the adventure summary starts and reads like most every adventure summary I’ve read; “Not far from X, in the forests of Y, there are legends of a beautiful/terrible Z.” It contains lots of backstory that doesn’t interest me until I understand more about the adventure itself.

I personally recommend that you rewrite the summary to be entirely from the dungeon-dwellers point of view. Something nice and dark and atmospheric, painting those strange surface dwellers as alien invaders, upsetting the time-honored rituals of trial and sacrifice in the Stone Depths (or whatever the denizens call it).

Make the summary into a story itself. Intrigue the readers.

But that’s just me.

Brent P. Newhalls last blog post..twhirl: Twitter and FriendFeed On Your Desktop