“For there was a day at the Guinness Brewery that the bountiful kegs did empty themselves. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth as the breaking of the fast was soon approaching and what for would be put into the Irish cheerios? Fortunately The O with his supernatural hearing heard the cries of distress and sensed there may soon be sober Irish eating breakfast with milk. The O sped across the Atlantic atop the backs of two blue whales named Beezlebub and Bill to the Land of Ire. There he unleashed his ‘power’ and refilled the stocks of the Guinness Brewery.”
-”Legends of The O”

(I’m not really offended, just wanted to point that out)

Gay.

Ok, now here’s my analysis of each combatant:
Dave the Game: I’d have difficulty handling his impervious monkey attack which, once activated, is quite an invincible site to see. It’s as if he becomes a wandering vortex grenade blast from old warhammer 40K: he moves around randomly and will eventually exhaust, but anything caught in its path is instantly destroyed with no exceptions (See also: Blackball from AD&D)
Bartoneous: Not quite a physical matchup for myself, but his cunning and wilyness would be the end of me. Myself of course combating in the Irish style of drunken fighting would easily get bedazzled by his superb juggling skills. Whilst in a trance, he’d give me a dirty low blow then bank off, flip out and throw shuriken (which he ninja looted from Joshx0rfz) at my face.
Joshx0rfz: He would defeat me without there being a real battle. First, he would lure me in with his catering culinary skills via a table full of corned beef, potatoes, ham, and shepard’s pie. Then, as I am euphorically inhaling the food, completely oblivious to my surroundings, he would slip some poison into my Black and Tan that he learned at the school of yourmomitsu in yourfaceikai.
Umberhulk+Bullete: this would be my greatest challenge, but in respone to Original Sultan’s remark, my drunken fighting style provides immunity to confuse effects. In regards to the battle, I would meet the beasts on fair ground by riding my direbulldog into battle. We’d charge in and collide with a dimensional-rippling effect like in the matrix: reloaded where the two big-rigs collide at the end of the highway scene. Unfortunately, I would not be able to tell you what happens next as I would be in an ascended state of drunkenness that none of you would perceive.

Take special note how none of the battles involve my dog-punching, decapatron, or bull-birthing abilities. But as you may notice, I described how each other contestant could easily defeat me. So then you must ask, “Well then why’d you vote for yourself, O?” To be honest, I think it just comes down to one word:
PRIDE.

Where does he get all those X chromosomes?!

Only problem with the whole set up is that Josh has been studying Bushikai for the last two years…and could honestly probably beat a real Umberhulk riding a Bullette.

You have an excellent point though, as worded by Josh: “Andrew is Irish, and he punches dogs”

The Game: A big guy for sure his stature alone would be a menace in the ring. But he bigger they are the.. well you get it.

Bartoneus: Small, probably agile, and smart. Hed be like the small chinese guy who you dont think is a threat but then rips off his shirt to expose a six pack and pecks as he breaks out his insane martial arts moves… only to get squished a second later by the falling goliath that is The Game.

Joshx0rfz: now heres an interesting case.. I think the 0rfxz himself would be insane in the ring. Jumping all over, bashing and smashing in an almost berserker like rage.. but like all crazy style fighters he would meet his end flailing his arms and feet and die suprised that someone actually hit him.

Umberhulk: isnt real, end of story..

The Game part II: see Part I, only dies screaming like a man not a 12 year old school girl whos having her pigtails pulled.

and last but not least The O:
I think the O would win because of one good reason.
Hes Irish. you dont fuck with the irish. I could see him down a black and tan before jumping headlong into the ring and smashing everyone to pieces with signiture moves such as the “Big Irish Boot” and “Red Hair Wraparound”… not without a negative side though I think he would have trouble downing The Game (Part I and II) and Josh.